Update:  We have purchased tickets leaving for India late July and scheduled to return mid-December!  We are vaccinated and have our visas!

I am surprised when I take time to look into myself and try to see the man I am.  I am even a little shocked to find what desires are set deep in me.  I have wanted adventure, but that isn’t what I want now.  In fact, like any real adventure, the closer you come to the actual doing the more terrifying it becomes.  The more the snugness of your bed, the predictable nature of your job, the security of a culture you understand seem to be really nice things.  It is true the greatest fear is the unknown.  I haven’t lost my sense of adventure, at least not entirely.  But the truth is I am seeking something else, something I desire deep within me: to live well.  I suppose such a thing can only be defined by the one who seeks it.  I want a home.  I want to put down roots and brace like a tree against the winds and storms of life.   I want to have a family.  I want to farm and live more simply.  My smallness offends me.  I resent the fact that I cannot grasp the world and change through sheer force of will.  But I think I understand how God made me to be.

I must find my corner of the world, the little space and niche that is mine and throw the force of my work, energy, and talent God has given me into it.  I was reading Hebrews 13 the other day and it struck me that here I had a very practical guide to living well.  “Do not neglect to do good and share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.”   That's a good place to start for all of us, whether we have found our corner of the world yet or not.  I am scared to try to help the poor.  It seems so complicated and so hopeless.  I am afraid my own family may suffer.  I am afraid I am going to fail.  To live well, must you risk so much?  I don’t know, but it seems faith cannot fully be faith until it acts.

Our foot is nearly out the door, home is almost behind us and a new world lies before us.  Lord, we tremble as much for fear as for anticipation, but deep in us there are desires and convictions we believe are right; don’t leave us.    

-Matt