Greetings from Thailand! 

What do you do when you do not have the power to accomplish the tasks you seek? 
We often find that the work in front of us is beyond our ability or power. 
How do you leverage greater power to accomplish greater things?  

We dare not accept evil realities like hungry children or homeless refugees. 
But how on earth can small people like us make a difference in such huge issues?  

Patience is not in itself powerful, (though being able to control yourself is a form of power),
but patience is the means we can leverage power through.  

More simply put, we access power through an unlikely tool: waiting. 

Now if you are wired like I am, you like to get things done.  You like to take things in your hands, and produce the outcome you desire.  And our own accomplishments can deceive us into thinking that activity is the only, or even best way, to doing great things.  We reject that passive fatalism that refuses to take responsibility or blame for what happens to us in life. 

This is a very western mindset and it has many benefits, and many detriments.  The East has been teaching me more about patience.  And to my surprise, patience is not always passive.
 In fact, I am finding far greater power in patience than I ever did in my own actions. 

The patience of the people here is astounding.  I woke at 6 am to go to the immigration office to stand in line for a queue so I could stand in another line again later.  The queue office does not open until 8:30.  The actual office does not open until 9.  There were virtually no seats, so we stood.  For over two hours we stood, sat, and squatted, waiting for the line so we could officially be in line.
No one was grumbling.  No one even seemed to be bothered.

Later this same day, I went to print some photos.  "15 minutes," the woman told me.  I returned 20 minutes later. "15 minutes" she said again.  I came back 2 hours later.  "Sorry the machine has a problem, come back tonight."

In moments like these, my feeling is not of power, but of powerlessness.  I cannot control these circumstances, I cannot accomplish what I desire.  And it is a frustrating feeling.  

College students looking diligent and attentive...

College students looking goofy and silly...the boys were a little shy

Ezra seemed confused on whether we were cleaning the office or making bigger messes

But maybe we are missing something.

Is frustration inevitable? 
I may be compelled to wait, but can anyone compel me to be unhappy about it? 

GK Chesterton wrote of St. Francis:

"He may have been the poorest man on earth, but he was certainly the happiest."  

If I can learn to not just endure, but embrace these opportunities to be patient, perhaps there is power there.  Maybe our greatest power comes through our weakness, not our strength.

Now, this is not the same as accepting everything with resignation, never believing we have any say or impact on our own life or fate.  In fact, it is quite the opposite. 

It is recognizing the only true way to bring about the kind of change we want.  If we cannot control circumstances, if we cannot change minds or hearts, if we cannot drive out evil, we must either give up, or learn to work and wait.  Work for what we can change, wait for what we cannot.  But it is an active waiting, an expectant waiting.  It is a prayerful waiting.

Office Cleaning Day!

Everyone was hungry after a morning of hard work

Pii Chuum, Wep, and Mong picking weeds, cleaning up the office.

The desire and pressure to produce is strong in us.

Results talk.

It doesn't matter what your work is.  If you work at a university, it is about the number of students, the amount of money coming in.  If you are a pastor, it is about the number of people you can draw to the church.  If you are in business, it is about maximizing the profits.  We can't help ourselves.

But results are misleading. 

We all know of businesses caught exploiting or deceiving people to increase profits.  Or universities who become more focused on quantity than quality.  We know of mega church pastors who draw huge crowds, but are nothing like the Jesus they preach.

In any work with people, where we seek to help them become better, we must start by acknowledging our inability to do the very things we desire.

You can feed a child.  You can help that child go to school.  You can fight for the rights of a child.  But you cannot make a child good.  You cannot get into the heart of a child and make them want to choose good and reject evil, to be kind, and reject selfishness.

We can train, we can teach, we can encourage and we can discipline, but we cannot change a human heart. 

It only makes sense when faced with something you can not do, to find someone who can, and obtain their help.  I cannot speak Chinese.  It doesn't matter how loudly or slowly I speak English to a person who only understands Chinese.  I must find someone who can speak and understand both English and Chinese.

It is the same with trying to improve lives.  We need someone who is able to give life.  We need someone who knows the complexities and depths of the human heart.  We need someone who so completely loves every individual that he or she is able to seek their welfare apart from any false motives of egoism, pride, or proving oneself.  

Doing dishes with Dad (Free tip: Want to grow in patience?  Wash your dishes by hand!)

That time when the food wasn't very tasty...the Thais have a great phrase for this, it translates literally, "not quite delicious."

Ezra found the bottle of computer ink at the office (Free tip #2 Want to grow in patience? Care for young children.)

That is what makes patience powerful.  We tap into resources outside of ourselves, greater than ourselves---into God's resources.

Have you ever thought of the faith that is required to be happily patient? 

It is my experience, that when we can yield our preferences, and gladly accept whatever comes, we become powerful.  And in more ways than one.  Every fear is the result of something else having power over us.  Fear is the fruit of unbelief, whereas peace is the fruit of trust.  And when we wait upon a good God, we shall not be disappointed.

"Indeed, none who wait for God shall be embarrassed or ashamed." (Psalm 25:3)  

Coming to Thailand has had a profound impact on what I believe about my own abilities.  My desires have changed.  And more and more, I find myself realizing I cannot do what I want to do.

There is a struggle there with discouragement.  But it is not the most important reality.  The most important reality is not what I can or cannot do, but what God can do.  When I find myself at the end of my ability, I am not finished.  Now, I begin to learn to pray.  And wait.

And that combination has been far more effective in Thailand than anything else I have done.
And at the same time, it is a cure for my own ailments.

Suddenly, life does not need to be a hectic drive to produce, to earn, to advance, to impress.  We can slow down, we can take time to breath deeply and enjoy the scent of roses and the beauty of the sky and sunsets.  I am no longer carrying the crushing weight of impossible tasks.  I have left them in good hands.

Joshua teaching Jonathan how to use the mower...there might be some Tom Sawyer whitewashing going on here.

Stop and see the world around you.  It is amazing!

Mark eating a well deserved lunch after we were playing soccer and I collided with him hard, my knee to his stomach.  He made an incredible save and endured the pain heroically.

My posture is of readiness, rest, and hope.

Ready to play my part, confident it is within my ability, because God would never demand what He will not supply.

Resting because I recognize my frailty and weakness, and yet know it does not disqualify me, but is part of God's design for us. 

Hope, because all shall be well and God who made the world is able to set it to right.  I contribute, but I do not control.

That is the fruit of patience.  It destroys anxiety and stress.  It rebukes evaluating people by production and helps us regain more of what it means to be human.  It frees us from work and schedules which become enslaving and exhausting.

Rice paddy in our neighborhood

Patience is not gritting our teeth and saying: 'That's the way it goes.'  Patience is the quiet rest of a heart that trusts God to see things through.  It is feeling relaxed when everything and maybe everyone around you is seemingly out of control.  It is pausing to pray in the midst of a busy day because God will help us get done what needs doing.

So relax.  Be still.  Take a deep breath.  Hug your children.  Laugh with a friend.

Work for justice and peace, by waiting and praying.  The greatest strength to heal our world is found in God.  Wait for him, ask for his help.  Let patience make you powerful.

In love and hope,

Matt, Audrey, & fuzzy Ez

Visiting an organic farm outside of town

In the midst of camps, conferences, sports days, and lots of emails and everyday issues, we find ourselves struggling to heed Dallas Willard's advice to "ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life."  

Not because productivity is bad, but because we have a tendency to lose sight of the bigger things when the tyranny of the urgent presses around us.  

And sometimes the bigger things are actually the smaller things.  

Like our own growth.  

It is tempting when you work in an exotic setting or vocation (think: pastor, missionary, working for a nonprofit), to imagine that our commitment to a cause is more important or at least more significant, than the hum-drum things like growing better.

What that often conceals though, is our own lack of growth. 
And we dare not confuse accomplishment with personal growth.

Your accomplishments you will leave behind, you are stuck with yourself. 

There is a human tendency, which I have not yet found a remedy for, to always seek to find a position of relative security and strength from which to do something impressive.  

I call this plateauing.

We instinctively have a goal in mind, usually one we are confident we can reach, and when we achieve it, we look for how we can shift from striving, to maintaining the status quo.    

This is because growth is so hard.  

I just celebrated my 32nd birthday.  (That sounds old just writing it!)  

My body is certainly aging, but how is my soul maturing (the person I am)?

Would I like the me I am becoming if I continued on my present course?  

Would anyone else?

Joshua dispatching one of several Cobras at our office... 

The plateau is a myth.

 Life is moving, like time. You can't stand still, you are becoming something.  

If you are not changing, or don't think you are, you are probably not growing.

Many of us fall prey to a sense of having already arrived.
We call our lack of change and growth "consistency."

But this is in itself a kind of arrogance.  "Since I already have all the right things, since I already am a good person, it is enough to just continue doing what I have been doing."  

It is so easy to fall into the good-enough trap.

"Aren't there people worse than me?"  

"Aren't I better than most people?"

Have you ever noticed how much easier it is to identify the faults of others than our own?  

Or how much easier it is to focus on a task, or accomplishment, or project, than on our own heart?

The plateau offers plenty of projects, that don't really ask anything beyond our current abilities.  

The mountain calls us to keep climbing.

It calls us beyond what we are comfortable with, beyond what we are currently capable of.

In contrast, the plateau offers the false security of business as usual, the familiar.

The same old ways.
The same old methods.
The same old results.

But what if the chief reason you are where you are, is not so you can accomplish something, 
but so that you might become something?

There is no retirement from growth. We are all becoming something.  The only question is, what. 

Are your choices hindering or helping your growth?  

Are you choosing the easy way?  

Are you choosing the 'don't rock the boat,' don't offend anyone, way?

Are you choosing the 'play it safe,' don't risk a good thing for a better, way?

There is no plateau, you are going up or down, getting better or getting worse. 

 And the struggle is the greatest of your life, the enemy is within and without!  And it is precisely this struggle that we want to avoid.  I don't know about you, but I like it when things go smoothly.  

But if we are honest, we know that isn't where we usually grow. 

It's when the stuff hits the fan, when stuff falls apart, when people betray and mistreat us, when our carefully laid plans are laid waste.  Then we get to see something of what we really are.  And God's chief concern is not what we can do or accomplish, (people are impressed with that, but God knows better) but God is concerned with who or what, we really are and are becoming.

God doesn't deal in fictions, only in truth.

There is a point to life: to become fit for more and more life, until life utterly drowns out death.