I used to have a light soul.
a happy, bright heart that was difficult to extinguish.
I used to be strong in myself.
confident.
I used to laugh freely & often,
to be ridiculous & giddy for no reason.
I used to be so...me.

then my soul cracked.
all the life & joy came pouring out.
gone.
lost.

how do you refill an empty soul?
a soul void of joy & freeness?
why is it so difficult to find the things you've lost?
how do I fill the crack, mend it?

even so, that mended crack, it will be a scar. & even so, that original life & joy once lost...that innocent, careless self...is gone.

I want to be me again.

here I sit. my heart searches for the things my soul has lost.

I must find new life & joy to fill my soul.

will I find me?
will the new burn brightly in my soul like the old?

I'll never be the same me I used to be.
everyday I change into a new me.

am I better now than I was then?

my broken, cracked soul, might it be better suited to grow & stretch now...
to grow larger, creating new space for the new me?
for new & more life & joy?

G*d is helping me mend my soul.
He's helping me fill it again.
I won't be the same audrey I was...
I'll be a better audrey.

an audrey more full of a new life & a new joy.

not hating my scar,
but being thankful for it.
not looking at my scar as a curse,
but a blessing--a means to grow my soul far beyond what is was capable of before.

this world.
we wrestle.
it is so strong.
I am so weak.
how do I find strength, confidence in a battle almost lost?

thank you G*d that you are the strength that fills my soul when I feel so weak.
that you are the confidence I can lean on when I have none in myself.
that I will never look into my self to find joy & life once lost, but look into you.
your kind face.
your heart of love that will not turn me away empty.
you will fill an empty & broken soul.