I have found an abundance of time for meditation and reflection these past few weeks.  All those extra hours in the middle of the night I used to spend sleeping, I now can employ solving philosophical problems while I walk my little boy to sleep.  I am not always happy about it, but in some ways I can learn to appreciate it.  Nothing in my life so far has prepared me for being a parent.  It is the sheer relentlessness of it that wears me down the most.  As an introvert especially, being able to be alone and still is vital to my ongoing happiness and pleasantness.  But a baby makes outrageous demands without shame.

 And the challenge for Audrey and I is 3-fold:  First, to recognize that we are very selfish people.  Who ever said the time I call mine actually belonged to me?  The second is to decide how to respond.  Will I do what I don't feel like doing because it is right?  Or will I try to dump the majority of the work on somebody else?  And the third is to decide if I will allow this change me.  Can I become a less selfish person, not just when I have a baby, but always?  Or will I go right back to being selfish once my circumstances allow it?

I read this last week, while I was actually praying for a close friend who was struggling with something completely different, but it applied for us as well:

"Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy.  For when your faith is tested, your endurance has an opportunity to grow.  So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything."  (James 1:2-4)

I don't think I fully appreciated how much I resist almost everything which is good for me.  I like to eat cookies, not kale.  It is easier to sit on the couch than go for a jog.  And it is easier to be selfish than to sacrifice my preference for another's good.  But if we allow difficulties to teach us endurance, we will grow capable of things we never were before.

Babies help teach us that giving up our preference for someone else can actually be delightful and satisfying.  Not always easy or immediately pleasant, but when I see that little boy looking up at his Dad and his tears and cries stop because I hold him in my arms, that is something better than having everything my own way.  When asked how a baby could ever save the world, George MacDonald answered:

What happens in my heart with Ezra, is what should happen with every person I meet:  I find a love stronger than my desire to have my own way.  A love ready to suffer for another's good.

It is my conviction that kind love is the only thing which can change the world for good.

That is why I try to follow Jesus.  He is the ultimate teacher and example of that kind of love (despite how poorly we his followers often express it).

What is life like in Chaing Mai these days?

We have started up our Thai lessons again.  We really believe it is invaluable to be able to communicate not just functionally, but relationally to build new friendships and serve the Thai people.  We are leading our small group through the book of John to discover the God and Father revealed in Jesus.  We are also enjoying getting to know Eva, our new intern and help her experience Thai culture and maybe gain some clarity for God's call on her life.  Audrey is doing a wonderful job in being mom and we are adjusting to having a child and being a family in Thailand.

Pray For:

Benjamin

Our boy with serious kidney trouble.  He had a port put in last week to ease dialysis, but we want to see him healed and well.

Eva

She is headed to a 2-week stay at a school in the mountains which should be a lot of fun and a challenge.

Audrey, Ezra, and Matt

Adjusting to work family balance, loving each other well, growing endurance

Faithful Heart

wisdom for the future and children who still need sponsors

Thank you for your love, support, and friendship!  May His Kingdom love come on earth as it is in heaven!