Joshua is a proud graduate, and we are proud of him!  The first in his family.

The little ham isn't shy.

Often it seems we are forced to learn the things we teach.

 It is all very good to say that living well requires humility and mystery.  That sounds quite nice and even exciting.

And it is.

But there are the not so pleasant sides as well.

Nothing is more difficult for the human mind to make peace with than the knowledge of not knowing. 

Simple put, nothing is more difficult than knowing that you don't know what to do.

It is a kind of pain we wish to make go away as soon as possible.

"Surely there is some information, if I could just get a hold of it, everything would become clear..."

"There must be an easy answer out there somewhere, someone can tell us exactly what to do in this situation..."

But there often isn't.

Activity can be a relief compared to waiting.

The sense that we are "doing something about this" is a great comfort, even if it is not always great help.

Honesty requires courage to see what we would rather not see.

Humility is simply a form of honesty.

That is why it can be so unsettling.

When we are honest about our shortcomings, our limitations, our faults and mistakes, and yes, even our ignorance, we are in a truly frightening place.

And fear can lead us to some tragic mistakes.

We either chose denial and self-delusion because it is easier to feel keep feeling good about ourselves, or we choose to be honest about our shortcomings and accept help.

Whether as an employee or a spouse, or a parent, or son or daughter, we will all be confronted with circumstances which have no easy solution.

Here in Thailand, we frequently find ourselves beyond our ability or wisdom.

And often, when we are honest, we find ourselves saying those great and terrible words:

"I don't know what to do."

We had a lot of fun with my Uncle Doug and Aunt Cathy!

Some new friends have been great helping us do some computer training for our staff.

Mark and Ruth have graduated Middle school and are headed to High School!

So what do you do, when you don't know what to do?

I have a brief summary:

1.  Wait
2.  Listen
3.  Invite other opinions
4.  Act in trust, not certainty

Years ago, I met with a Spiritual Director.

A Spiritual Director is someone who helps you think through things well.  They virtually never offer advice or tell you what to do.  They simple help you sort out your thoughts, look at them objectively and make your own best decisions.  (If you have never tried this, I highly recommend it.)

My Spiritual Director had studied St. Ignatius deeply and introduced me to a process of discernment that has been a huge help to me over the years and something I use almost daily in my life.

And the secret of this ancient deep wisdom is summed up in one word:

Wait.

(And don't make any major changes in your life when you are not at peace).

Just wait.

If you are like me, you are already objecting, "But some things can't wait.  We have to do something!"

There are some exceptions, to be sure, but more often than we think, you don't need to do something.  You need to wait.

Joy, the lovely Bride!

The lovely brides maids!

Morning run for bananas!

Think about how different your life might be if you never let stress, fear, or anxiety make a decision in your life.

If you refused to be bullied by the 'tyranny of the urgent' and learned to wait, not chiefly for clarity, but for peace in your own spirit, how might it change your life?

This is not procrastination.  (That is the fear to act.)

This is the refusal to act in fear.

We wait because our thoughts are most clear when our hearts are most peaceful.

Waiting also allows us to listen.

Have you ever noticed how stress literally seems to block your ability to think?

I often think of prayer as learning to think with God.

As we wait, we make the conscious decision to not act, which relieves the stress of the moment, and enables us to listen and to think instead.

God is always speaking, we are just not always listening.

But God is not usually speaking specific instructions, but presence.

In college I sometimes prayed during a test, "O God, what is the answer to question number 34?"

God would quietly whisper to me:

"To study more before the test.  And to trust that I will be with you whether you pass or fail."

But listening opens us up.

You can't relax with a clenched fist, or a clenched mind.

Fuzzy brings the intensity!

Grandpa and Grandma playing catch.

Becky excited about some Samaritan's Purse gift boxes!

Waiting is not easy. Nor is asking advice.

But both are vital to living well.

None of us is an expert in everything.  And all of us will face circumstances and decisions that require something we do not possess.

We either bluff our way through blindly, or we humble ourselves and ask the advice of others.

The first way causes untold heartache, to ourselves and to others.

The second is the path to wisdom.

Advice is not orders.

We are not bound to follow any advice we receive.

But by inviting other perspectives, we are safeguarding ourselves.

Far more often, our decisions suffer from a lack of information, rather than a surplus.

You do not lose power by asking for advice, you gain respect.

We may not know our own limitations well, but I promise you they are more clear to others than we realize, especially those who live or work closely with us.

Advice may not change your course, but it will guide and inform it.

The hardest step is the first:

To recognize that we need input from others, and that others may know better in a particular circumstance than we do.

But if we can accept this simple truth, the asking is easy and usually the advice is gladly given.

Joshua worked hard to help make this table for our friends with new twin boys!

These two are buddies.

Our girls got to do some shopping after eating pizza!

So we wait, we listen, we seek advice, and then we act in trust, not in clarity.  

Let me share a great story from a book called Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning (great book!):

“When John Kavanaugh, the noted and famous ethicist, went to Calcutta, he was seeking Mother Teresa … and more. He went for three months to work at “the house of the dying” to find out how best he could spend the rest of his life.

When he met Mother Teresa, he asked her to pray for him. “What do you want me to pray for?” she replied. He then uttered the request he had carried thousands of miles: “Clarity. Pray that I have clarity.”

“No,” Mother Teresa answered, “I will not do that.” When he asked her why, she said, “Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of.” When Kavanaugh said that she always seemed to have clarity, the very kind of clarity he was looking for, Mother Teresa laughed and said: “I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God.”

Many of us, myself included get paralyzed by fear, especially the fear of failing or making the wrong decision.  Just talk to a college graduate if you have forgotten how this feels.

But if we have learned to wait, learned to listen, learned to seek and receive advice, when the time comes for a decision to be made, our peace is found in trust, not clarity.

Joshua's graduation guitar!

Tasty snacks for Chinese new year!

Proud of these two young men.

Not the trust that all will work out the way I want.

Not trust that bad things won't come or happen.

Not trust that I won't make mistakes (I will).

But trust that God is good, that He loves me, and that He loves every person and creature on this earth, and that in spite of all those things which seem to the contrary, He is able and determined to work for the good in all things.

I can trust my welfare, and the welfare of all the people I care about to Him.

When we believe that, nothing is impossible and paralyzing fear disappears.

Even if we don't know what to do, we can act humbly and boldly.

Because God can be trusted with our mistakes as well as with our successes.

With Love,

Matt & Audrey & Fuzzy Ez