5 Years In: What We Are Learning
No matter where you live, a lot can change in 5 years.
We came as 2, now we are a family of 4.
We came speaking one language (embarrassing I know, European and Thai friends).
Now we speak two.
We came thinking like middle class, white Americans.
Now we think in different ways.
In this special post, I want to share a few of what I consider Life Lessons we have learned from our 5 years living in Thailand. I believe every person has a gift to share. When we share our gifts with each other, our gifts help make life richer and better for all of us.
As Americans living in a foreign country, part of our gift is to share our new, diverse perspective with those of you who have not had the opportunity to see your own culture from the outside.
So here goes:
Life Lessons from Living in Thailand:
1. Hold Life More Loosely
Thai's have some great words for this. Mai Ben Rai is the Thai word for no problem, whatever, its fine (kind of all together). You need to learn this word if you stay in Thailand for any length of time. The other word is Sabai, sabai. It means, chill, relaxed. It is almost a way of life.
Thailand will drive a western-minded American crazy over time, if you don't learn to live more loosely.
You can fight, but you will lose.
But this is a lesson for everyone, no matter where you live.
Let me try to explain.
I like to have a plan. I like to have a schedule and I love it when what I have planned for, and expect to happen, happens.
Some of you are right with me on this.
Nothing like checking items off your to do list.
Thailand will chew your plans up spit them out, and give you diarrhea just for good measure.
But Thailand is showing you a Truth about life.
Your illusion of control is the real myth.
So you have two choices. Either loosen up and accept the day as it comes; not passively, but not clinging either, or spend your time complaining to people from a similar culture about how crazy it is.
We have done both in our time here.
But you know what? The loosing is start to really change how I experience life.
I am learning to enjoy the unexpected more, and for that matter, everything.
It is slightly embarrassing for me as a Christian, to have to learn from a Buddhist nation how to receive everything in life as a gift.
After all, I believe in a good God who loves all His creatures and is ever working for their good in all things.
Learning to live loosely helps us begin to believe that and share it with others.
2. Learn to Think in Larger Circles
I try hard not to live in a bubble.
Looking over the books I read last year, I read books by Christians, Atheists, dead people, young people, Americans, Scots, Peruvians, doctors from Harvard and Haiti, Catholics, Protestants, sci-fi novels, detective stories, and New York Times's best sellers.
I once was part of a church that told people not to read books they didn't agree with.
Can you imagine anything more likely to lead to disaster?
You might as well make a resolution to avoid learning anything.
Learning is not just acquiring new information, but learning to process and think about information in new ways.
We need new, and different perspectives.
I think in the past, this has felt threatening to me.
What if I discovered something that showed some of my deeply held beliefs to be wrong?
Or what if I discovered that the things I was most proud of, were actually mistakes?
It is scary to think in larger circles.
But it is also deeply refreshing, and opens whole new worlds you couldn't imagine before.
Living in a foreign country forces us to think more largely.
All of us have ways we answer life's big questions.
And all of those answers are partially the product of our environment (where we live and who we live with).
It is unsettling at first, when we are immersed in a new environment and find that our old answers begin to change.
Our temptation is to run back to the familiar.
But if we let the process continue, we begin to discover not just new things, but new ways of thinking and living.
New wine needs new wine skins (new and better things cannot come unless we are willing to change ourselves).
3. Draw Your Family Circles Larger
Mother Theresa said everything wrong with the world was due to the fact that we draw our family circles too small.
She was right.
The first few years in Thailand, we really missed our families.
It felt lonely, like we were missing out, like we weren't with the people we loved.
At some point that started to change.
We still miss our families and friends.
But we have enlarged the circle.
Now some of our friends here feel more like family.
Some of our kids at Faithful Heart feel more like our own kids.
In Thai, everyone usually refers to each other as Pii (older brother or sister) or Nong (younger brother and sister).
I love this.
Right from the moment you meet someone, you start by bringing them into your family circle.
Forget Mr. or Mrs.--- how about brother and sister?
So we don't love our families in America any less.
They are so precious to us because of the absence, that we appreciate and love them all the more.
We see just how incredible they were all along.
But our family has grown.
I have two biological brothers. But I always wanted a sister.
Now I have several.
I miss my brothers Jon and Jay.
But I also get to enjoy my new brothers.
It is a decision we all can make.
Let those extras in.
Make room at the table.
Make room in your heart.
And be ready for Joy!
The greatest people I know are those whose family circles are ever expanding outward.
Conclusion:
That seems like enough to chew on.
What have you been learning these past 5 years?
We would love to hear from you!
No one else has been living your life, in your circumstances.
You have a unique gift to share too.
I will leave you with a thought from my favorite author, George MacDonald:
"Every man and every woman is a revelation of God. Every person is uniquely formed by and from God, so that there is something they each tell us about God that no one else can tell. A nugget of gold can tell you a lot about the hills from which it was mined. A masterpiece painting can tell you a lot about the Maker, and no two paintings say exactly the same thing. No revelation of God is complete until we all share our gift." (my paraphrase)
May you share your gift, and receive new wine in this new year!
Lots of love from the Pounds in Thailand!
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