Greetings from Thailand!  

Welcome to Building a Better Life Part 2!

It is challenging and fun for me to try to write these posts. 
It is certainly still very much a work in progress. 
But progress is still progress, and I hope something in theses posts can be useful to you in your own journey.  

Because I believe everyone can have a life they love;
I believe we are meant to.  

We want to build a better life, for ourselves, for our neighbors, for our world. 
We are not just waiting for a different life, or a new life in a different place. 
We are looking to discover life where we are, now. 
Because our life today is the only life we have any control over.  

It's important to realize that life, like school, happens by gradual progression. 
No first grader should be discouraged they can't do algebra. 
We need to recognize where we are, and accept that, and be gentle with ourselves in our growth
(and be gentle with others in theirs).  

Progress is the goal for each day, not perfection. 
The only competition is the person we were yesterday.  

Last time we explored what it means to life with an open heart, versus a closed heart. 
Openness is what allows us to continue to learn and grow. 
When we close down, we cut ourselves off from growth.  

We started there because we had to position ourselves for growth. 
We prepared the soil, so to speak, now we can plant some seeds that can grow.

When I think about this process, I imagine myself speaking to a younger me from years ago. 
What advice would we give to our younger selves?

First, would be to stay humble and open---keep learning.    
Second, would be to cultivate gratitude and set goals for your life.    

These two things are foundational to building a better life.  

Each of these steps builds on the others, it doesn't replace them. 
So we need to stay open, allow our goals to grow and change along with us.  

What is the connection between gratitude and goals? 
Gratitude helps us find joy in the present, no matter what our circumstances are. 
Goals, helps us realize that good can be better. 

Sometimes discontent is a good thing. 
When we are not satisfied, we are usually ready to change.  

But gratitude is a stronger long term motivator than discontent. 
Yes, a chip on the shoulder can push us to excel, but a constant gratitude for the good in life can not only help us survive the present, but also equips us to reach new futures. 



Gratitude is the recognition that life is a good thing, goals are the recognition that it can be better.  

Belief in God often starts with something like gratitude. 
When we experience good in some profound way--time with people we love, laughter, sports we love to play, food that is delicious, etc. we can't help feeling a desire to thank someone for it.  

(the opposite of this is our tendency to want someone to blame for bad things that happen in our lives).

If we begin to believe in God as the source for all the good things in life, then we also begin to understand that good is at the heart of the all things. Good is meant for us, and we are meant for it.  

That is a sort of natural optimism. 
And optimism is far more effective for helping us set, and achieve goals to improve our lives.  

Gratitude and goals together keep us balanced and healthy.  

Too much gratitude can become complacency, and an excuse to never change or grow.  
Being too goal driven can turn everything into a competition, and makes us arrogant.

Gratitude anchors optimism, to keep it from becoming arrogance.  
Setting goals pushes gratitude so it doesn't become complacency.  

A healthy optimism, built of gratitude and goals, is a powerful tool for building a better life, and a better world. 

Gratitude reminds us that none of us exist on our own. 
None of us can take full credit for our lives. 
We are interdependent. 
We all have people to thank for where we are, and that we are. 

True gratitude never binds, but frees us. 
Gratitude is not feeling indebted to others, but grateful to them.  
It doesn't mean we can't leave, change, or outgrow old things.  
It just means we give them their due. 
We acknowledge the good they have given us, but we don't need to stay there. 

You can be grateful for the foundation of your house, and still keep building on it.  

Gratitude never excludes change or improvement. 
It actually urges it on.  

If you are truly grateful for your life, you have discovered an important truth: life is worth being thankful for, it is a great gift. 
You will also recognize that such a good thing brings additional responsibility.
If life is crappy and unimportant that maybe wasting it doesn't feel like a big deal.
But if life is an incredible, beautiful gift, then we have a responsibility to develop our lives to be all they can be, to be their very best.  

That is a great way to practice gratitude and thank all the people who have helped you along the way---become the best version of yourself.  

Show them that their investment in you was a good one.  (and be sure to thank them for their part).  

The goal of life is that we become the best version of ourselves we possibly can, but not for our own advantage, but in order to best help others become the best versions of themselves ( and on and on).  

This is what abundant life is, this is the secret of a satisfying, fruitful life. 
This is life to the full---human beings fully alive! 
Not just selfish achievements or selfish complacency, but rising together. 
It ties us all together. 
It means what is best for me, is also what is best for you, and so on and so on.  
My welfare is tied to your welfare, and your welfare is tied to my welfare.  

There is a Christian saying that in God's economy all gain, and there is no loss.  

We are so used to thinking with a scarcity or competitive mindset---my advantage is your disadvantage.  My profit must be your loss.  

But what if it doesn't have to be that way? 
What if what is best for you is also what's best for me? 
What if my best life and your best life, and everyone's best life are tied together?  

This was the example and teaching of Jesus' life:  

Do you want the best life?  Then give up your life for others. 
Do you want to become your best self?  Then help others become their best selves. 
Do you want to be happy?  Then find your happiness in the happiness of others.

Because you gain by giving. 
The more you give, the richer you are.  

It sounds a little crazy at first. 
But it is the way to build a better life. 

Gratitude and setting goals are a vital part of that process. 
So let's take a look at how to incorporate these two things into our every day lives.   

    1. Gratitude is learned and takes practice

Gratitude comes easier for some people than others. 
It is often strongly influenced by our families, our friends, our culture, and the media we consume too (might be time to limit your social or news media---free pro tip). 

We all probably know someone who has less materially than we do, but seems happier. 
And we all probably know someone who seems to have it all, and is miserable.

This is good news. 

It means any of us can become grateful, no matter where we are or where we come from, or how much we have.  

It might take time, and it will probably take practice, but you can do this.

Start small, maybe taking a moment each day to say out loud what you are grateful for. 
Or make a list. 
I have a friend who keeps a running tab on Facebook. 
Any time he realizes something he is grateful for, he numbers it and posts it. 
He is currently at 2,064 and counting.  

    2.  Gratitude Doesn't Measure but Benefits from Perspective

If you are struggling to be grateful, what standard are you measuring against?  

"Comparison is the death of joy" (and of gratitude).  

But none of us ever sees the whole picture of another's life.  
Gratitude requires no comparison, but may benefit from some perspective.  

I am blessed with a lot of perspective right at my doorstep. 
If I ever start to feel sorry for myself, I can go visit one of our single mom's working two jobs just to survive, and trying to raise her kids on her own.  

Or I can deliver food to one of the families with a severely disabled boy who requires 24-hour care.  

This is why spending time helping others, especially those who don't have what you have is so valuable. Not only are you encouraging them and meeting their needs, but you are learning gratitude at the same time.  

We have to choose to focus on the good.  
We seem to be wired the opposite way.  

Remember, in the media business (and it is primarily a business!) bad always sells better than good. 
But there is still ample cause for hope in our world.
(if you doubt this, message me and I will send you a mountain of statistics).    

It takes conscious effort to look for, find, and celebrate the good. 
We don't ignore the bad, but we put it in the proper context. 
And we practice doing that, again and again.  

    3.  Healthy Gratitude produces change, not hinders it

Gratitude never means we have to stay the same. 
Gratitude is just appreciating where you are from, so you can better get to where you are going.  

The process of cultivating gratitude requires us to identify the good
(and by so doing, we also identify some of the bad things in our lives). 

That is important, because once we have identified which is which, we can better ensure we pursue the good, and reject the bad.  

So once you count your blessings, you can also take a look at the curses in your life. 
At this point, it doesn't matter whose fault it was; yours or someone else. 
What matters is making sure we avoid those same pitfalls in the future.  

And that is where goals come in.

Goals are the fruit of gratitude.  

Once we know what we are grateful for, we have a good idea of what we want to pursue.  

What do you want more of in your life?
(What do you want less of?)

These are helpful guides to setting our own goals in life.  

A helpful note here:

Goals we set, are limited by the stage we are at. 
They will and need to change, as we grow and learn better. 
It is helpful for me to think in terms of trajectory, overall direction, more than specifics. 
The specifics will change and thats fine, but the overall direction is what is more important. 
What sort of person am I becoming? 
Am I growing better or worse? 
More kind, more unselfish, more humble?  

But goals help us begin taking the small steps, and they serve as progress markers along the way.  

Goals are good for all sorts of things, but the ones I want to emphasize are who you are, and who you are becoming. 

No what you do, not what you earn, not how popular you are or well known; but the person you are becoming.  

Here is a good place to go back and review step one, before we go too far with step two. 
Stay humble! 
Stay open! 
Listen to advice! 
Read and learn from good people who went before you.  

Don't assume you know it all, or that more technology means more wisdom, or that an easier life is a better one (spoiler, its not).  

Who you are becoming is the result of all the choices you make each day.  
Setting goals helps us make sure those choices are in line with our greater, overall direction.

"Is this helping me become the best version of myself, the person I want to be?"

Goals help us organize our lives, so we live intentionally, rather than just accidentally.  

Let me give you a simple framework to help you get started. 
Audrey and I have started using this as a guide every year in January and it has been a helpful guide, even when we don't always meet our own goals.

We break down life into 4 parts:

Physical
Mental
Spiritual
Social

1. Physical

How is your body?  Your health?  How do you feel about them?  Are they at their best?  Why or why not?  If not, what could you begin to change?  What do you eat?  How do you stay active and healthy?  

2. Mental

How is your mental health?  What do your thoughts tend to dwell on?  Why?  What brain food are you consuming (tv, internet, books, movies, etc.)?  What habits help or hinder your mental health?  How could you begin to change?  Do you see a connection between your physical and mental health?  How are you expressing your creativity?  

3. Spiritual

How are you feeding and caring for the non-physical part of you?  You are more than a body.  You have a personality, a self-consciousness.  This part of you is rarely seen by others.  Who are you when no one else is watching?  How are you developing that part of you?  Do you feel connected or disconnected to the divine?  Have you been too dismissive of spiritual things in the past?  How could you develop some health spiritual habits?  Do you enjoy nature?  Do you spend time alone in silence?  Have you tried to pray regularly?  

4. Social

How are your relationships with others?  Are you forming deeper friendships?  Are you growing closer with your spouse or more distant?  Are you present and connected with your kids?  Where do you find community?  Where do you feel that you belong?  How are you contributing to the lives of others?  Are you giving and receiving, or only one or the other?  Do you have healthy boundaries?  Do you need to alter your relationships?  Do you need to start some new ones?  

Do you see the connection between gratitude and goals?

Gratitude is the process of analyzing our own lives in search of the good. 
It is a tremendously helpful process, that will benefit you your whole life.  

Setting goals helps you live the life you want to live, not merely exist or float along.  

One last piece of advice from my own experience.  

When I first tried to set my own goals for my life, it didn't work out very well. 
I hardly knew myself and I didn't really know what would make me happy.
Most of the people I know do not really know themselves either.  

The best decision of my life, was to get help from someone else,
someone who knows me better than I know myself.  

I know it's hard to believe in God for a lot of people (its hard for me too sometimes). 
If that's hard for you, that's ok.  

You don't need to be sure about all your own beliefs to take someone's advice, and try it for yourself.  

My advice is to take Jesus' advice about how to live. 
Anyone can read for themselves what he said about how to live
(check Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John in the Bible). 

Fair warning, some of it is hard and can even feel counterproductive
(like loving your enemies, or forgiving people who hurt you).  

It isn't always easy, and sometimes it seems crazy, but everything changed when I really tried to order my life the way he was saying to. 

I made and am making lots of mistakes along the way, but to be living that way is so different from anything else I have tried before.  

So go ahead and set goals for your life. 
But make sure those goals line up with the life Jesus taught us to live (there is tons of room there). 
When all those things line up, you will find your best life right now, right here.  

I have no idea where that journey may lead you. 
But we will cheer you on from where we are.  

Lots of love from Thailand,

Matt Audrey, Ezra, and Sienna