Being an adult seems to mean that large segments of your life are now rather monotonous.
Some might even say boring.  

Work for example can vary quite a bit, but overall many days tend to blend together because of how similar (and mundane) they are. 

That is true even when you are living as a missionary in another country.  

But not last week.

Last week was a flash back to the everyday adventuring of childhood.  
My body was quick to remind me that though I may feel like a child at heart, I was no longer so in body.

At the end of September, our Thai staff asked me to plan some outdoor activities for our boys during their school break in October in an effort to keep them off their devices all the time
(can I get an Amen from the parents out there?)

I was happy to oblige.  

One of the things that I have come to appreciate more as I get older is how beneficial it is to have many hobbies.  One the one hand, I am not especially good at any one thing.  A jack of all trades, but a master of none.  I am unlikely to be exceptional at any of my hobbies, especially at my age (40 feels old).  

But it means even if lots of things change, there is almost always something I can find to do and enjoy.  

So I started making a list of some of my favorite outdoor activities in Chiang Mai and then planned to take our boys from Faithful Heart.

Monday was the Grand Canyon Water Park.  

Think ninja warrior on a lake.  Cliff jumping, blob launching, zip lining, water slides, giant trampolines, kayaks.  Needless to say, excited levels were high.  I was only hoping my 40 year old body could still take the punishment.  

Forgive these generic pictures, I always forget to take pictures when I am having fun

Wednesday was Boat Day!  

Friday I was tempted to take a break.  

We made it!

On Saturday, we had Sienna's 7th birthday party.  

Family!

Sharing the gospel through drama

Thai Mother's Day at Church

Listen to this blog here:  https://soundcloud.com/user-25221037/building-a-better-life-pt-10-trust-not-triumph

Greetings from Thailand!  

And welcome to the end of our series Building a Better Life episode 10 Trust; Not Triumph!

There is a certain amount of danger involved in self-evaluation---especially as we tend to over estimate our own virtues and downplay our faults.  

But growth is indicative of health in almost every living organism.  

We don't have to measure ourselves against others, but it is good for us to compare the present version of ourselves with the previous versions.  

So we don't ask, "Have I arrived?" but rather, "Am I growing?"

Life is not always easy, but there is so much good to be found stuffed into God's world. 
Part of growing better is growing more grateful and thus, more able to appreciate and enjoy more of the good that already exists all around us.  

This is the reason gratitude is essential to a good life (see the earlier blog on this :-). 
It enables us to enjoy more good, and more kinds of good that are already all around us.  

In my last post on building a better life, we looked at what really constitutes a "good life" and we discovered the answer was a life driven by meaningful, sometimes costly commitments to others.  

But we need to be careful of our expectations from those commitments.  

One of the errors I make most often is not in what I desire, but when and how I expect what I desire to come about.  

Our longings, as C.S. Lewis has pointed out, are not too strong for God, but often too weak. 
The problem is not that we ask too much from God and life, but not enough---that we are too easily satisfied. 

Expect much, but be prepared to wait, and to have your expectations altered.  

Throwback to a little Fuzzy

Two good skaters

This lady is respected everywhere

One of the mistakes that I make, and young people in general make, is being too impatient to see change, and expecting those changes to take the form we expect.  

Ultimately, we must trust God for the change, and the timing of the change.  
We have no ability to change hearts.  

The world needs our gifts. 
But it needs not only what we have, but what we are. (Edith Stein)

God has redeemed us, and sent us out as instruments of redemption in our world with Him.  

But let us be very clear; there is one Redeemer, one Savior---one who changes hearts and minds and lives.

And it is not us.  

What we need is not triumph, but trust.  
We don't need to win, but to trust.
We don't need to direct or control the outcome, but to trust the One who is over all.   

We must make peace with our smallness. 

We must recognize that we are only a very, very small part of God's inestimable scheme for the redemption of His world. 

Full hands on Thai Mother's Day

I lift my eyes up to the hills, where does my help come from?

Prayer and silence together

We are the supporting actors and actresses, not the lead roles or the writers of the script. 

What is essential is not that things go the way we think they should go---even if we are confident that our way is the way God wants them to go, but that God's will be done.    

And it is being done.  

In the book of Isaiah in the Bible, God has some startling words for His people:

"My thoughts are not your thoughts, my ways are not your ways." (Isaiah 55)

We might expect this if God said this to atheists or unbelievers, but He says it to His own people.  

Being a follower of Jesus does not mean I understand or know God's plans for how his redemption will practically be worked out in my world.  The master architect doesn't share everything with a bricklayer.  

We must hold our own expectations of HOW and WHEN the kingdom will come lightly.  

Jesus said there are parts of God the Father's plan that even He didn't know; "But concerning that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father." 

What does that practically mean for people like you and me?

Humility.  

Special friends at special seasons

Team KOG

Dominos have been a hit birthday present with Ezra

It means we put an asterisk on every expectation, every plan, every idea, every project----"If it is the Lord's will, we will do this or that." (James 4)

This is the secret to peace and to power---trust God with everything, in everything; be ready to act at any moment, but don't waste much time or energy on expectations.  

Do not lean on your own understanding.
Do not lean on your own ability or strength.
Do not lean on any other human strength or ability or schemes or ideas or political policies or leaders.

Trust God.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your mind, all your soul, all your strength."  
And trust in the Lord your God with all you heart, all your mind, all your soul, all your strength.  

Not trusting that God will do as we wish or as we think He ought, but that the God of all the earth will do what is right.  

Relationships

Ezra just turned 9, and then was eaten by a dinosaur

This sounds nice, but it is hard in the trenches.

We want to see good outcomes for ourselves, for those we make efforts to help, for our country. 
But we must not help people merely in order to change people.

We help the poor not in order to end poverty, but in order to love the person whom God has brought to us. 

I don't say we shouldn't try to eradicate evils like extreme poverty or work for better government policy, but that the primary calling of our lives is to love people, and we cannot love a cause, only a person.   

This is hard for someone like me.  

I like to get things done. 
I like to make things efficient. 
I want to see positive change right away.  

But after 10 years of working with children and poor families in Thailand, I am compelled to recognize that if I demand triumph, if I demand things go the way I think they should go, or that the outcomes match my expectations; I am more likely to give up and despair, or worse, become cynical.  

But if my goal is to love the individual God sends me, then I can count it success every time I do.  

Conversely, it is not failure if that person falls back into poverty, because love was the goal, not a particular outcome in their circumstances.  

Have I loved my neighbor as myself?  
If yes, then it is good---whether or not the outcome I desired for my neighbor has come or not. 

Peter is one of our college grads who works for an international school.  We love seeing him and catching up

Fellow missionary and George MacDonald fan

Sienna reading stories to sweet friends

For God did not send me to save my neighbor (He does that), but to love him and bear witness to him of God's saving power in my own life.  

An essential component of perseverance in any good work, is to continue in hope, regardless of whether we see the fruit of our labor.  

I would love to be instrumental like Frank Laubach, whose literacy program changed the world for the better for millions of illiterate people. 

I would love to be like Mother Teresa, who inspired millions to greater compassion for the least of these.

I would love to be like the apostle Paul who brought the good news about Jesus to many places where he was not known.  

But that is not my decision to make. 
I am not the city planner, only a laborer.  

I am certain God is redeeming the world in Jesus.  
I am uncertain exactly how or when.  

So I am free to trust, to wait, to rest, and cheerfully accept my own smallness.  

Donating feminine products to flooded areas

Ezra got to play hooky to get his passport renewed

We like ice cream

For God has made me human, with human limitations and abilities.  

I have to be careful I don't pursue what seems to me most effective, but what God has given me to do. 

I need to trust God for the fruit of the work He has assigned to me. 
My part is to continually seek to say yes to Him in every part of my life.  

This often requires drastic adjustments to my own hopes, expectations, and ambitions.  

But if I can make those adjustments, I am able to live in peace and with purpose. 
I can take myself and my work seriously, because God has commissioned me. 
I can also laugh at myself, because I know often my thoughts are still not yet His thoughts, or my ways His ways.   

Most activists are, for better or worse, aided by anger. 
Anger at human trafficking, anger at injustice, anger at racism, anger at inequality, anger at poverty.  

This is a fine line to walk.  

It does not take much for anger at wrong, to transfer to anger towards perceived wrongdoers. 
And anger can move very easily to hate. 
And hatred can quickly breed the more of the very same problems we originally set out to combat. 
In human history, there is a very small space between when the heroes can become the villains.  

When we focus on the triumph of our ideas, or politics, or goals; we are destined to be disappointed and angry. 
But when we focus on trusting God, we are destined for peace and joy
(though we may have to be more patient than we had hoped).  

Triumph is about human expectations of how things ought to go, and whenever they don't go that way we panic or rage or both.  

But trust isn't about HOW things ought to go, but WHO is directing them.    

Focusing on the how turns our attention to the failings of others (and our own).  
But focusing on WHO turns our attention back to God--the source of all goodness and beauty and love, the Creator and Redeemer of the world.  

Cuties!

Ezra had a great 9th birthday at the waterpark

Career Fair!

Trust allows us to just be human

(and stop pretending to be what only God is and can be).  

It allows us to accept our limitations cheerfully, even gratefully
(Thank God such important things aren't dependent upon our strength or ability).

Trust keeps us focused on what can and should be done now in the present
(and protects us from missing our present duty for an imaginary future). 

Trust protects us from neglecting our family in the name of humanitarianism or ministry
(Loving our neighbors starts with those neighbors who live with us).
 
Trust allows us to sleep even when things are wrong. 
(We can sleep because God never does)

Trust protects us from a savior complex
(What this person needs is not me, but God).

Trust protects others from the negative consequences that often come with good intentions.
(Doing too much can be just as harmful as doing too little)

Trust protects us from despair and cynicism.  
(We are looking to the unchanging God, not our ever-changing circumstances)

Whether we are advocating for better government policy, working with the poor in southeast Asia, more dignity for the aged, better theology in the church, or any other worthy cause; let us remember to focus on trust, not triumph.  

We do not wish to defeat our enemies, but to win them---and not to our party or position, but to God and His kingdom.

Flamingos after church

Sweet ladies

Chiang Mai Cafes

It is not our version of his will that needs to be done on earth, but God's own.

It is not our version of His kingdom which must come, but His own kingdom.  

It is not in our strength, political muscle, or human wisdom that these things shall be done, but in the power and timing of God.  

So we are invited to be still.  

And know the God is God.
He will be exalted in the earth.
He will make all things new.  

Trust in His triumph, not the triumph of our ideas or expectations. 

Our faith is not faith in our methods and ideas about how the world should be put to right, but faith that no matter how things seem to be going, God is and will put the world right.  

Faith in God is faith in God's means, as well as God's ends.    

At the end of every day, every election, every cultural upheaval, what we need is not triumph, but trust.  We don't need to win, but to trust the One who has already won. 
There is joy even in our defeats, in our grief, because Jesus has conquered sin and death and is even now, making all things new.  

The greatest cultural revolution the world has ever seen began not when a man defeated his enemies through political power and or military triumph, but when he allowed his enemies to unjustly take his life and chose to love them in return; trusting that God would use these unlikely means more than any political or military victory to bringing healing to our world.  

I will leave you with a prayer from St. Teresa of Avila that has helped me in this journey of trust:

Let nothing upset you,
Let nothing startle you.
All things pass;
God does not change.
Patience wins all it seeks. 
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone is enough

With love and trust, 

Matt, Audrey, Ezra, and Sienna

Reading before bed---The Wizard of Oz

Giant tiramisu

Staff Meeting at the Pounds!

Karen outfits and 100 degree heat Like father like son?  I hope so

Greetings from Thailand!  

I am long overdue for an update on Faithful Heart Foundation.  I spent so much time working on my last literary post, that I wanted to take a minute to write about the daily experience of trying to help vulnerable children and families here in Thailand.  

Bear with me, as this may be a roundabout way of getting there.  

We had a wonderful time with family and friends in the US this summer.  So much so, that it was challenging coming back.  I don't just mean the goodbyes (those are always hard) or the end of vacation and the return to work and our normal routines.  

It is the combination of everything when you are crossing cultures and oceans; the exhausting travel, the days of jet lag, the catching up at work, the moldy pillows that have to be thrown away and replaced, the broken water pump which also needs to be replaced, the dressers and couches that have mildew and have to be cleaned and wiped down, the return of the relentless heat and constantly being sweaty (our families in the US use air conditioning all the time---something very uncommon here) switching back to our second language, etc.  

There are many fun things too; the return of motorbikes (this one is big for me), good, cheap food, convenient local markets, our favorite water parks, and another big one for me; privacy and my own space (no longer living out of suitcases in other people's houses).  

16 years in love

Love these sweet friends!

Colorado joy!

My kids are always offended that Audrey and I work.  

Our time in the US can be busy and tiring too, but going from so much freedom, and free time, to a 8-4 schedule is hard on them, and us.   I am really grateful we are able to take so much time off.  I remember well the early days of my working life, when I had two weeks of paid vacation a year.  That was rough too.  But crossing oceans, and cultures, and at the same time ending a period of vacation and jumping right back into work is a lot.  

That transition always makes me pause: 

What are we doing out here?  

It is funny how things have changed since we moved here over 10 years ago.  At the time we left, people were impressed we were leaving America.  It is a sacrifice for most of us to leave family and friends in our home culture.  I have noticed that for many people here, they don't experience that the same way.  Several have described tumultuous family lives they were eager to get away from.  Some grew up here as missionary kids, so being here felt more like home than the US did.  

But America has changed a lot since we left (perhaps that is an understatement).  It is jarring sometimes to see just how much it has changed (and of course we are changing too).  Now when we are home some people seem to consider us lucky or wise for leaving.  

"You were smart to move to Thailand, lot cheaper over there." 
"Must be nice not having all the crazy politics over there."

I never am quite sure what to say to things like this.  Some of the advantages I feel to be very true.  But there are also lots of other things I am not so sure about.  But most of all, when we first came, we never considered it from that angle at all.  

We didn't move to Thailand because we loved the tropics.
(we really miss fall and winter). 

We didn't move here for the lower cost of living (as nice as that is). 

We didn't even move here because we thought it would a great adventure or a good place to raise our kids (though it has been all those things).  

Cute litte singer!

Our newest graduate Ruth got a new job by the beach as an engineer

Home Meeting with Home of Light

We moved here because we felt called here
(however subjective such a thing may be).  

Specifically, we felt called to a particular work (Faithful Heart Foundation), or perhaps more accurately, to a specific group of people (the kids and staff at FHF and the Thai people in general---and now Grace International School as well).  

Were there lots of personal considerations involved? 
Absolutely. 

But were those the reason we came? 
No.  

Which brings me back to my title for this post: 

What are we doing out here?

Someone mentioned to me, perhaps jokingly, that they had considered moving back to the US, but they had more free time living here. 

This made me pause and think; why we are living across the world in a foreign country? 

Why are we making our kids grow up 8,000 miles from their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins?  

It took me some time with God to find some peace.  

At the end of the day, we are here because we believe God wants us to be.  

In part, because we think we may be able to help the children and families Faithful Heart serves, and the Thai people in general; and because we made a commitment to them and to God. 

Trying to interpret what God wants us to do is a subjective exercise. 
But making a commitment to flesh and blood people is more tangible.   

It is a comforting thought that at the end of the day, we are simply servants after all---people under authority who have been given instructions and a responsibility.  

Faithful Heart College scholarship students

Fun with a view

Wild driver :-)

Into the wild

Which brings me back to Faithful Heart.  

I am realizing it is not the great trials that cause me the most self doubt, but the monotony of everyday life.  It's not the big crisis, but the slow grind that can really make us doubt what we are doing and wether it ultimately makes any difference. 

For the first time in a while, we passed a new year at Faithful Heart without any pressing issues or major changes on the horizon.  It was a good feeling at first, but then came the doubts; are we missing something?  

Working with poor people is exhausting.  

Contrary to overly simplified political narratives, issues relating to poverty are often not straightforward.  Generally, in our experience it is a combination of personal and societal factors, and most of all, individual choices, which leads to good or bad outcomes.  

So many of the single parent families we work with here are given a great opportunity, a fresh start, access to resources and support.  But that does not guarantee that the outcomes will always be positive for the parents or the kids.  

A new boyfriend for mom, an impulsive decision to quit a good job, a poor financial decision, and 6 months of work and progress is gone in a moment.  

And they are right back where they started, with more trauma for everyone, especially the children.  

Working with traumatized kids is also exhausting.  

Even with the best caregivers and methods, there is still the integrity of every individual---the will that chooses and decides for him or herself.  We try to provide stable, loving homes and families for our kids, but each of them has a complex history, often with serious trauma, abuse, or neglect and each of them must make their own choices.  

This is the great fear of every parent.  We do the best we can, often painfully aware of how inadequate that is, embarrassed by our own failings along the way, and hoping desperately that the kids will make good choices on their own in the future.   

When children are small, providing a safe home, and adequate care can seem like enough. 
But as they grow into teens and adults, the things we missed along the way become more apparent.  

It is a very helpless feeling watching someone you love, and have loved for many years making self-destructive choices.  Sometimes its not even self-destructive choices, just different choices from what we think they ought to do.  

I would imagine that most anyone who has spent significant time and energy trying to help those in need has moments of doubt.  

What are we doing? 
Is this worth it? 
Is anything really changing? 
Does it make a difference?

These are the kinds of questions I find myself asking now.  

But the answer surprised me when I spent some time thinking and praying about it.  

At the heart of those questions, was an assumption that good, meaningful work would always bear evident fruit in the short term (I could see it now).  

But I know from experience that isn't always true.  

I am turning 40 this year, and often I realize that the influence and investment of others in my life is still bearing fruit---investments I hardly noticed or appreciated at the time.  

Hiking

Baggage

Sumit

More to the point, we do not seek to help others because we are confident they will do what we think is best for them, but simply because we have been told to do so.  

Obviously we want to learn to do our work well, and do our best for those we serve.  

But at the end of the day, we are simply hired workers, soldiers with marching orders, people under authority, laborers and not master builders.  

The important thing is not to feel successful, or effective, but to be obedient. To listen hard and carefully, then to carry out those instructions cheerfully and faithfully to the best of our ability.  

Faithful Heart continues to provide family based care to 11 children, who might not otherwise have any one to care for them.  

We provided scholarships to over 50 college students who might not otherwise have a chance to get a higher education.  

We provide support and essentials for over 50 families who are struggling to get by.  

We analyze our efforts, and seek to keep learning, growing, and improving. 
We work to genuinely care for the people we seek to serve, and respect their individual integrity.  

Most of all, we labor to hear God, and follow His voice in all we do.  

Like the early apostles, we too are "sent ones."

I'll wrap this post up with an impression that was powerfully made again during my time in America:  

To be a follower of Jesus at all, is to also be a sent one.
The geography is much less important than the obedience.  

So if you find yourselves feeling like we are, wondering what you are doing here and if it is having any impact; go back to the One who made you, loves you, and died for you----and ask!

"Is this where you want me to be?"  

If the answer to that question is yes; then don't worry. 
Everything else will work out; or as Jesus says;

"See first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you."

Thank you for your love and support, 

Love Matt, Audrey, Ezra, and Sienna

Lakes

Caves

Boats