Staff Meeting at the Pounds!

Karen outfits and 100 degree heat Like father like son?  I hope so

Greetings from Thailand!  

I am long overdue for an update on Faithful Heart Foundation.  I spent so much time working on my last literary post, that I wanted to take a minute to write about the daily experience of trying to help vulnerable children and families here in Thailand.  

Bear with me, as this may be a roundabout way of getting there.  

We had a wonderful time with family and friends in the US this summer.  So much so, that it was challenging coming back.  I don't just mean the goodbyes (those are always hard) or the end of vacation and the return to work and our normal routines.  

It is the combination of everything when you are crossing cultures and oceans; the exhausting travel, the days of jet lag, the catching up at work, the moldy pillows that have to be thrown away and replaced, the broken water pump which also needs to be replaced, the dressers and couches that have mildew and have to be cleaned and wiped down, the return of the relentless heat and constantly being sweaty (our families in the US use air conditioning all the time---something very uncommon here) switching back to our second language, etc.  

There are many fun things too; the return of motorbikes (this one is big for me), good, cheap food, convenient local markets, our favorite water parks, and another big one for me; privacy and my own space (no longer living out of suitcases in other people's houses).  

16 years in love

Love these sweet friends!

Colorado joy!

My kids are always offended that Audrey and I work.  

Our time in the US can be busy and tiring too, but going from so much freedom, and free time, to a 8-4 schedule is hard on them, and us.   I am really grateful we are able to take so much time off.  I remember well the early days of my working life, when I had two weeks of paid vacation a year.  That was rough too.  But crossing oceans, and cultures, and at the same time ending a period of vacation and jumping right back into work is a lot.  

That transition always makes me pause: 

What are we doing out here?  

It is funny how things have changed since we moved here over 10 years ago.  At the time we left, people were impressed we were leaving America.  It is a sacrifice for most of us to leave family and friends in our home culture.  I have noticed that for many people here, they don't experience that the same way.  Several have described tumultuous family lives they were eager to get away from.  Some grew up here as missionary kids, so being here felt more like home than the US did.  

But America has changed a lot since we left (perhaps that is an understatement).  It is jarring sometimes to see just how much it has changed (and of course we are changing too).  Now when we are home some people seem to consider us lucky or wise for leaving.  

"You were smart to move to Thailand, lot cheaper over there." 
"Must be nice not having all the crazy politics over there."

I never am quite sure what to say to things like this.  Some of the advantages I feel to be very true.  But there are also lots of other things I am not so sure about.  But most of all, when we first came, we never considered it from that angle at all.  

We didn't move to Thailand because we loved the tropics.
(we really miss fall and winter). 

We didn't move here for the lower cost of living (as nice as that is). 

We didn't even move here because we thought it would a great adventure or a good place to raise our kids (though it has been all those things).  

Cute litte singer!

Our newest graduate Ruth got a new job by the beach as an engineer

Home Meeting with Home of Light

We moved here because we felt called here
(however subjective such a thing may be).  

Specifically, we felt called to a particular work (Faithful Heart Foundation), or perhaps more accurately, to a specific group of people (the kids and staff at FHF and the Thai people in general---and now Grace International School as well).  

Were there lots of personal considerations involved? 
Absolutely. 

But were those the reason we came? 
No.  

Which brings me back to my title for this post: 

What are we doing out here?

Someone mentioned to me, perhaps jokingly, that they had considered moving back to the US, but they had more free time living here. 

This made me pause and think; why we are living across the world in a foreign country? 

Why are we making our kids grow up 8,000 miles from their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins?  

It took me some time with God to find some peace.  

At the end of the day, we are here because we believe God wants us to be.  

In part, because we think we may be able to help the children and families Faithful Heart serves, and the Thai people in general; and because we made a commitment to them and to God. 

Trying to interpret what God wants us to do is a subjective exercise. 
But making a commitment to flesh and blood people is more tangible.   

It is a comforting thought that at the end of the day, we are simply servants after all---people under authority who have been given instructions and a responsibility.  

Faithful Heart College scholarship students

Fun with a view

Wild driver :-)

Into the wild

Which brings me back to Faithful Heart.  

I am realizing it is not the great trials that cause me the most self doubt, but the monotony of everyday life.  It's not the big crisis, but the slow grind that can really make us doubt what we are doing and wether it ultimately makes any difference. 

For the first time in a while, we passed a new year at Faithful Heart without any pressing issues or major changes on the horizon.  It was a good feeling at first, but then came the doubts; are we missing something?  

Working with poor people is exhausting.  

Contrary to overly simplified political narratives, issues relating to poverty are often not straightforward.  Generally, in our experience it is a combination of personal and societal factors, and most of all, individual choices, which leads to good or bad outcomes.  

So many of the single parent families we work with here are given a great opportunity, a fresh start, access to resources and support.  But that does not guarantee that the outcomes will always be positive for the parents or the kids.  

A new boyfriend for mom, an impulsive decision to quit a good job, a poor financial decision, and 6 months of work and progress is gone in a moment.  

And they are right back where they started, with more trauma for everyone, especially the children.  

Working with traumatized kids is also exhausting.  

Even with the best caregivers and methods, there is still the integrity of every individual---the will that chooses and decides for him or herself.  We try to provide stable, loving homes and families for our kids, but each of them has a complex history, often with serious trauma, abuse, or neglect and each of them must make their own choices.  

This is the great fear of every parent.  We do the best we can, often painfully aware of how inadequate that is, embarrassed by our own failings along the way, and hoping desperately that the kids will make good choices on their own in the future.   

When children are small, providing a safe home, and adequate care can seem like enough. 
But as they grow into teens and adults, the things we missed along the way become more apparent.  

It is a very helpless feeling watching someone you love, and have loved for many years making self-destructive choices.  Sometimes its not even self-destructive choices, just different choices from what we think they ought to do.  

I would imagine that most anyone who has spent significant time and energy trying to help those in need has moments of doubt.  

What are we doing? 
Is this worth it? 
Is anything really changing? 
Does it make a difference?

These are the kinds of questions I find myself asking now.  

But the answer surprised me when I spent some time thinking and praying about it.  

At the heart of those questions, was an assumption that good, meaningful work would always bear evident fruit in the short term (I could see it now).  

But I know from experience that isn't always true.  

I am turning 40 this year, and often I realize that the influence and investment of others in my life is still bearing fruit---investments I hardly noticed or appreciated at the time.  

Hiking

Baggage

Sumit

More to the point, we do not seek to help others because we are confident they will do what we think is best for them, but simply because we have been told to do so.  

Obviously we want to learn to do our work well, and do our best for those we serve.  

But at the end of the day, we are simply hired workers, soldiers with marching orders, people under authority, laborers and not master builders.  

The important thing is not to feel successful, or effective, but to be obedient. To listen hard and carefully, then to carry out those instructions cheerfully and faithfully to the best of our ability.  

Faithful Heart continues to provide family based care to 11 children, who might not otherwise have any one to care for them.  

We provided scholarships to over 50 college students who might not otherwise have a chance to get a higher education.  

We provide support and essentials for over 50 families who are struggling to get by.  

We analyze our efforts, and seek to keep learning, growing, and improving. 
We work to genuinely care for the people we seek to serve, and respect their individual integrity.  

Most of all, we labor to hear God, and follow His voice in all we do.  

Like the early apostles, we too are "sent ones."

I'll wrap this post up with an impression that was powerfully made again during my time in America:  

To be a follower of Jesus at all, is to also be a sent one.
The geography is much less important than the obedience.  

So if you find yourselves feeling like we are, wondering what you are doing here and if it is having any impact; go back to the One who made you, loves you, and died for you----and ask!

"Is this where you want me to be?"  

If the answer to that question is yes; then don't worry. 
Everything else will work out; or as Jesus says;

"See first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you."

Thank you for your love and support, 

Love Matt, Audrey, Ezra, and Sienna

Lakes

Caves

Boats