No matter where you are, be more.

I am often amused and perplexed at the strange man I am becoming.  Who is this man?  How has he come to be who he is?  Those of you who have known me for many years can testify that I do enjoy the occasional adventure.  We might even go so far as to say that I am a bit wild.  If you know my Grandfather, Arlie Miller, you know the apple did not fall far from the tree.  But like each of us, I cannot be defined by a single characteristic.  I certainly have a healthy sense of adventure but I also find in me a careful strategist (dare I hope the beginnings of wisdom?).  I have been working through the focus of my life, remembering James’ call that we not be “double minded” and I have come up with this goal for what remains of my life:

To give myself as fully as I am able to giving hope and life, and improving life for the least of these.

As I have sought to focus on J*sus’ summary of the purpose of our lives (to love G*d and to love our neighbors) this is my own conclusion.  But that was the easy part, a motto is easier to write than to live.  Now comes the unending process of taking all of life captive to obey Chr*st, and to benefit the desperate poor.  As I have been wrestling through my own inconsistencies and contradictions, I have come to a delicate tension that is very helpful.  Both the adventurer and the strategist can help me fulfill my goal, but both must be admonished.

To those of you who are Adventurers, who toss planning and caution to the wind, who dare to go and do what other shudder to think, who despise the boring and empty life:  Any life that does not put the good of others and a love of G*d above all other concerns will end up enslaving you in the end.  Do not reject discipline; it can lead to the most powerful and fantastic adventures of all!

To those of you who are strategists, carefully planning for the future, making wise and safe investments, protecting your family from life’s uncertainties, and being ever diligent in your labor: Do not wrap fear in a covering of wisdom, we are called to be faithful more than responsible.  If your careful planning and diligent work make it harder for you to drop all or give all at the Spirit’s call, you are working in vain.  But if you plan to do good, strategize for new ways to bless others, work diligently so you are able to give to those in need, now you have found the safest, surest, highest-returning investment of all.
 
Do we plan before we go to India?  Or do we just go in blind faith?  Do we go with an established organization or on our own?  Do we give all our money to the poor or do we invest it to provide ongoing monthly support for the work?  Here is the answer: whatever best serves the goal---to give hope and life and improve life for the least of these on earth.

Find your goal, find your motto---receive it from G*d and reorient your life around it.  Let the Spirit speak to your lack of discipline and let the Spirit speak to your fear.  My prayer is that as we all accept correction, we are more fully able to give ourselves to all that G*d has for us and for the world.  You are the light of the world, so throw off all that hinders you from running with that light shining brightly.

In love & hope & contradiction & fear & joy & failure & resurrection,
Matt

I've been thinking about resurrection. It's an odd concept for me to wrap my mind around, as I'm sure it is for any person. There is so much mystery about death, resurrection, & eternity. Of course, I've thought through ideas & concepts about this in the past, but since we've experienced a death so near, I've thought through all of this so much more.

We talk about hope a lot. It's basically our life theme. Right around the time of Jonathan's death, I searched for reminders of why we have hope. I searched through the B*ble for any little detail I could find about death, resurrection & eternity (the very thought of eternity blows my mind). I found what I was searching for; I found the reminders of why we have hope & a clearer vision of what we have to hope for.

One of the most impressive passages for me is in 1 Corinthians 15.

{1 Corinthians 15:35-44, 56, 58}

35-38  Some skeptic is sure to ask, "Show me how resurrection works. Give me a diagram; draw me a picture. What does this 'resurrection body' look like?" If you look at this question closely, you realize how absurd it is. There are no diagrams for this kind of thing. We do have a parallel experience in gardening. You plant a "dead" seed; soon there is a flourishing plant. There is no visual likeness between seed and plant. You could never guess what a tomato would look like by looking at a tomato seed. What we plant in the soil and what grows out of it don't look anything alike. The dead body that we bury in the ground and the resurrection body that comes from it will be dramatically different.

39-41  You will notice that the variety of bodies is stunning. Just as there are different kinds of seeds, there are different kinds of bodies—humans, animals, birds, fish—each unprecedented in its form. You get a hint at the diversity of resurrection glory by looking at the diversity of bodies not only on earth but in the skies—sun, moon, stars—all these varieties of beauty and brightness. And we're only looking at pre-resurrection "seeds"—who can imagine what the resurrection "plants" will be like!

42-44  This image of planting a dead seed and raising a live plant is a mere sketch at best, but perhaps it will help in approaching the mystery of the resurrection body—but only if you keep in mind that when we're raised, we're raised for good, alive forever! The corpse that's planted is no beauty, but when it's raised, it's glorious. Put in the ground weak, it comes up powerful. The seed sown is natural; the seed grown is supernatural—same seed, same body, but what a difference from when it goes down in physical mortality to when it is raised up in spiritual immortality!

56 ...the dead will be up and out of their graves, beyond the reach of death, never to die again. At the same moment and in the same way, we'll all be changed. In the resurrection scheme of things, this has to happen: everything perishable taken off the shelves and replaced by the imperishable, this mortal replaced by the immortal.

58  With all this going for us, my dear, dear friends, stand your ground. And don't hold back. Throw yourselves into the work of the Master, confident that nothing you do for him is a waste of time or effort. 

That passage speaks for itself. Isn't it awesome?! We have so much to hope for! The bodies we're in now, prone to sickness, cancer, decay, we won't have forever. These bodies are just dead seeds waiting for life to sprout!

Let's embrace our heavenly ends! Let's not be afraid to live, because even in death there's so much to look forward to.

Live in courage & hope!
xoxo, Audrey

I recently came across this quote. I really love it because it seems to be true.
I like to think I'm a beautiful person in this sense. Of course, in this life I'll always be a work in progress, but I'm definitely striving to become so.

In my experience, life is so different before you've known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, or known loss. Before you know these things, it's the little, petty things that consume & fog up your life. Appreciation, understanding & sensitivity in ones life are dimmed.

After walking through two years of sadness, defeat & loss with Jonathan, my life perspective has been altered.  For a moment after Jonathan's death I found myself in the depths, speechless at the harshness of life. All of the little stuff in life that used to be big stuff faded into the background. The moment lifted as the foreground blazed with an emphatic sense of life & purpose. I must live this life to the fullest. Fear cannot be an excuse. The what-ifs cannot be an excuse. With the life that we have, we must strive to be beautiful people!

Living with purpose begins with love. By loving & giving yourself to love, you will live a full life, pleasing to G*d. You will find your true, beautiful self.

Mark 8:34-37
Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to saving yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? What could you ever trade your soul for?

1 Peter 3:8-12
Summing up: Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble. That goes for all of you, no exceptions. No retaliation. No sharp-tongued sarcasm. Instead, bless—that's your job, to bless. You'll be a blessing and also get a blessing. Whoever wants to embrace life and see the day fill up with good, here's what you do: Say nothing evil or hurtful; Snub evil and cultivate good; run after peace for all you're worth. G*d looks on all this with approval, listening and responding well to what he's asked; But he turns his back on those who do evil things.

Hope & Love,
Audrey

This is not really an update, more an opportunity to share my joy with you.

Two things:

First, I read a letter a very dear friend wrote to Audrey and I a week ago and it really lifted my heart and made me genuinely happy. I never had a sister growing up, but this friend was an easy adoption. Audrey and I met her in college and immediately loved her. She is sassy, honest, stubborn and about 4 foot 10. She has come out some real hardship, but her spirit is beautiful and it is always refreshing to hear someone speak honestly about the struggle to know and walk with G*d. A few years ago she ended up moving to Florida. We haven’t done a great job keeping in touch, but there is always lots of love on both sides. Audrey and I got to see her last year when we were there on vacation and it was a reminder of just how much we love and miss her. Getting her letter this week, all I can think about is Isaiah’s words that G*d will bring “beauty from ashes.” All of us have ashes in our lives, those places of brokenness or failure or deep hurt. She is the proof that G*d is never done making beautiful things from brokenness. She is beautiful, she has a beautiful daughter, and now she is blessing and encouraging others. I know I am not expressing this well, but it just fires my soul to know that this is what G*d does! This is what He loves and He is a master at it. This is what we are seeking to do with Him in India–beauty from ashes, a garment of praise in place of heaviness.

Second, we had a great time at our house ch*rch this past week. It was, in many ways, one of the best examples of Chr*st*an love and fellowship I have experienced. It was a quirky, diverse group full of love and laughter. What made it unique was when a young man sitting next to me shared his story within G*d’s story. He told us of growing up in a Chr*st*an home, of his hunger for G*d from a young age and of trying to follow J*sus. Then he told us about his struggle to understand his sexuality within his relationship to G*d. He was humble, kind, and a little afraid. It moved me to see how he loved G*d and wanted to be faithful even while he struggled to understand what was right. When people become issues and faces are replaced with statistics and quotations, we lose something. Homosexuality is a difficult issue, but we can’t divorce it from the people it involves. I immediately began to think about my own view on the issue, I was running Scr*pture through my mind and trying to articulate to myself what I believed was right. But I was abruptly stopped as I watched the response of the other around me. He was hugged, and commended for his courage to share so honestly about something so personal. With complete agreement, we all knew what J*sus would do in our place: He would love. This young man is seeking G*d and seeking to be obedient to G*d. Whatever issues or struggles any of us face in life, it need not be alone. Welcome to the dysfunctional, diverse, wild and beautiful family of G*d! Beauty from ashes. May we all go out this week looking for more opportunities to bring beauty from the broken places of life.

Your dysfunctional brother and sister—Matt and Audrey

We must do better at taking notes on our own lives. This blog is new for both of us and I do hope we can improve our current poor record of posts. I have promised myself I would be brief, because in all honestly, I rarely read long blog posts and I imagine many of you don’t either. These are meant to be brief updates and we will keep it such.

First, a lesson we are learning:
Our “what ifs” usually refer to negative things; G*d’s “what ifs” refer to positive things.
Example: We left good jobs (the known) to come to Colorado because we believed it was where G*d had us for the next season of our lives and within 2 weeks we both had new jobs. I was afraid of the “what ifs” but G*d smiled on us in them.

We both have jobs that we are finally adjusted to, we have a very simple but nice place to live, we are making friends in the new ch*rch we have started attending and we are meeting every Saturday morning in Castle Rock with Andrew Horne to study Hindi. Good “What Ifs.” But we never would have got to see them if we didn’t risk a little bit.

Here is the BIG THING. If you have been skimming up until this point, read this part. Andrew introduced us to a couple who are friends of his and are preparing to move to a city in northern India. They work with a network of Chr*st*ans. They will join a family that has been in the city for over 17 years. They were encouraged to hear our own dreams and they connected us with some of the leadership who then contacted us. We spent a week praying over what to do next and we have decided to begin the application process.

Please Pr*y:
1. For peace in the process (it makes me nervous and excited, and brings up some old hurts)
2. Wisdom (being connected with wiser, more experienced people who share our vision appeals to me tremendously)
3. Courage to follow J*sus (because the sensible thing isn’t always the right thing, but neither is the crazy thing)

“I know O L*rd, that the way of a man is not in himself. It is not in man who walks to direct his steps. Correct me O L*rd, but in gentleness (justice) not in your anger lest you bring me to nothing.”
Jeremiah 10:23

Missing and Loving all of you,
Matt & Audrey

We made it! After leaving Ohio, Matt & I made the 14 hour drive over to Lincoln, Nebraska. We spent a few days there with my brother and his family. We were so excited to spend time with them & to meet their new baby, Maureen :) That makes me an Aunt (and Matt an Uncle) of SEVEN little ones! I know, we were shocked too :)

We left Lincoln this past Friday and are now semi-settled in Denver. While we’re looking for our own place to live, my sister Mandi & her husband Joe are graciously letting us live in their basement. It’s been fun so far :)

Good news on the job front! I will be nannying Monday through Friday! I found a great family to nanny for on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I will be watching Mandi & Joe’s little guys, Ambrose & Rohan.

Matt has an interview this afternoon and another interview on Wednesday for positions in college admissions, similar to the position he had at Ashland University. We’ll let you know how everything goes!

Overall, we just feel extremely blessed. We are so excited for the future; we feel like we’re seeing G*d’s had at every turn.

Thank you for pray*ng for us :)

Much love,

Audrey

I think we all need inspiration.  Paul says we ought not “grow weary in doing good” (Galatians 6:9) but even the most stout-hearted of us grows discouraged when we can’t see either the fruit of our labors or the goal in mind.  I’ve found it’s not so much new information I am looking for, but examples of lives applying the information I already have in passionate, beautiful ways.

My first source of inspiration: Paul Farmer.  Dr. Farmer works in Haiti among the desperate poor providing top-notch medical care, witty humor, and a contagious love.   He has my favorite of all heroic virtues: imperfection.  In this case I mean he sometimes uses harsh language, loses his temper and he has been known to “borrow” medical equipment for long periods of time without permission.  BUT, as that great philosopher theologian Bill Clinton once said: “It is hard to argue with a life so well lived.”

I highly recommend Tracy Kidder’s book Mountains Beyond Mountains.  You can get it used for a penny on Amazon.com (plus $3.99 shipping) or maybe free from me if you ask (it’s that good, I consider it an investment).  Two things about his life stand out:

1.  He has done something great by doing many small things with great love.  Every patient is his only patient.  He refuses to treat people like statistics.

2.  He is proof that loving your neighbor as yourself is far more difficult and wonderful than most of us have imagined.

To me, his life is an invitation to “join the losers.”  An invitation oddly familiar: “the last will be first…”

My second source of inspiration: Albert Schweitzer.  I am troubled to find most of my heroes are dead.  I often wonder if the last few generations (my own included) just aren’t producing many lives worthy of imitation.  But it may also be that such people are so engaged in doing good, that they find less time to write books about it.  Schweitzer starts his book The Primeval Forest with a gentle indictment to those of us who, as J*sus would say, “have been given much.”  One of the greatest sources of discouragement in my life is that plain things are no longer plain things.  If you get a chance, sit down and read Luke 16:19-31.  Not exactly encouraging, but here is what I like from Schweitzer:

He almost never mentions feeling “called” by G*d. What moved Schweitzer to Africa as a m*ss*onary doctor was conviction, not a call.

I am timid by nature and that frustrates me.  But G*d invites us to run, and rid ourselves from things that entangle (Hebrews 12).  Perhaps what most of us need is not a special call, but conviction.  A simple conviction about what is good and right and true and lovely and excellent and commendable and worthy of praise.  A conviction strong enough to move us from “looking after our own interests, to looking after the interest of others.” (1 Corinthians 10:24) The passage in Luke 16 moved Schweitzer to Africa, where does it move us?  Be inspired.  Be challenged.  Be moved.

November is the month. L*rd willing, we will be moving to Denver, Colorado come early November. Currently, Matt is looking for a job around Denver. He’s hoping to find something similar to what he’s doing now (a college admissions counselor). I am very excited about my prospects in Denver–this would include spending days with my adorable nephews and hopefully working part time at a coffee shop (I’ve always wanted to work at a coffee shop!).

We are also seriously considering buying an investment property. We have been looking at duplexes or multi-unit properties. Our hope here is that the income from just one of the units will pay off the monthly mortgage, while the income from the other unit(s) will serve as monthly monetary support for us when we are in India (or wherever G*d is taking us). We have learned that life changes quickly, but we are loosely planning on going to India within the next year or two. Just waiting for G*d’s timing :)

So, here we are on the move again! It is a bittersweet move, stepping forward from a momentous chapter in our lives and leaving so many people we have come to love. But, we are ready and excited to see what’s next!