Fun in the Sun!

Food Distribution in San Sai

Bus to the Beach!

Greetings from Thailand!

Wow, life has been full and a little crazy the past few months.  

Welcome to Part 3 of Building a Better Life---Do what you need to do, until you can do what you want to!  

We started this journey by observing that:

New things can't get in closed doors. 

We need to have a posture of openness, and willingness to learn.  
Until then, we can't make any real progress or changes at all.

By cultivating gratitude in our lives, we identified what to keep and what to leave behind as we moved forward.  

Once we knew what we wanted and what we didn't want, we could begin to formulate goals for our life.  
And goals are vital for our life, because it is hard to get anywhere if you don't know where you are going. 

Those first two steps were chiefly a matter of changing the way you think.  

But once you form real goals, you have to take real steps to reach them.  
Or nothing will really change. 

Great having Tommy visit!

Wedding Fun

We love the Singsathit Family!

Now we know things should change, but how do you make them actually change?

The most tried and true method isn't a popular or pleasant one:

Slow, hard, consistent work. 

I'm afraid there is no alternative here. 
In my own experience this meant somewhere between 6-8 years of work I didn't like very much.  

It meant the loss of many good things I enjoyed.
It meant missing out on many of the things my friends were doing.  

Why?  

Because another name for a goal is a priority.
Having priorities means that some things become more important than other things.  

What is important in my life?   
What is more important? 
What is most important?
Now act accordingly.

Priorities are by definition, exclusive. 
We decide what matters most to us, and what we are willing to sacrifice to get what we most want. 

It is hard to sacrifice the present pleasures for an uncertain future. 
But it is essential to a good, well-lived life. 
Hard is the path to good (and happy).  

Delayed gratification means we put off something good in the present, for something better in the future.  

So proud of our friend Bob, after a 3 year job in Japan

We had some terrible flooding in Chiang Mai

We rescued our friends (sort of) via Kayak

For every good life I know of, there is no escaping hardship. 
But you can choose your hard. 

It is hard to exercise. 
But it is also hard to be obese and face the health issues that come with it.  

It is hard to learn new skills. 
But it is also hard to work a dead end job forever.  

It is hard to give up pleasures in the present.
But it is also hard to give up your goals for the future.  

Choose your hard.  

Because life is hard. 
There is no getting around that without diminishing your humanity or someone else's.

Life can also be incredibly good, fulfilling, purposeful, and free. 
Hard work is not antithetical to happiness. 
But having no control over your time or freedom very well may be.   

So choose the hard that will lead you to better.  

Girls relaxing at the beach

Island hopping with the crew

The sea did us all good

You do what you need to do, until you can do what you want to do.  

You put your head down and work until you get into a position where you are not engaging in life like a form of prostitution; where we sell our bodies or our time in exchange for money.  

We don't want to be enslaved by our employers, our debts, or our desires.  

Where we don't support enterprises we don't believe in, just because we need to earn a living.  

Where we don't need to escape from our lives because we believe in and enjoy the work we do as a vital part of life, our own creative act of service and contribution to the betterment of the world.  

That is where we are going, but we aren't there yet.  

How do we get started?

Alternative Care Thailand Advance 2022

Boys

Joy

Step 1: Identify What Matters Most
(and compare it with the tried and true wisdom of time---the teachings of Jesus, when practiced, are revolutionary)

You can't have it all now (not yet, not your way.  Be patient, this comes gradually)

So focus on your big picture goals.
What is most important to you over the course of your life?

Ask yourself lots of good questions. 

How can I meet my responsibilities and enjoy what I do?
What needs to change in my circumstances?
What needs to change in my attitude?
What needs to change in my habits?  

Remember work is not something we are seeking to avoid, but to transform until our work is both beneficial and enjoyable.  

What we need to discover is how your work can fit best with the wellbeing of others and yourself.   

It may be more money. 
But it also may be more quality time, and less money.

It may be more education for a better career.
It may be a lesser career for more personal satisfaction.  

It may be 5 hard years for 30 good years.  

Change doesn't happen overnight.  

What is one change you can make now, to get you on the path towards what matters most?

Fashion is important

Kayak adventures

My crew!

It's ultimately your life, so don't let someone else try to force you to live their version of your life.  
But if you can stay open and listen to advice, you can avoid some painful mistakes and wasted years.   

The first step is often the hardest.  
Progress, not perfection.
You can't get anywhere until you get started.  

Love this group!

Love this nugget too!

Love our Thai Church!

Step 2: Grind and Gather

In 2008, I was sort-of homeless, without a vehicle, or much money. 
I did have a college degree, a strong healthy body, and a reasonably large network of friends and connections.  

I had some vague ideas of what was most important to me. 
It was time to make some major changes to the life I had been living the last several years.

There are probably many paths I might have pursued.  
Every life is different.  

I am not sure anyone can tell you your own path. 
That is something we each have to discover for ourselves.  

Get advice, listen to it, but at the end of the day, it's your life. 
The decisions good or bad, are on you.  

To get to where I was dreaming of being, I needed some money, and to get money, I needed a job. 
I also needed a place to live, and eventually a car.  

So I called a friend and he let me live with him for a few months. 
I called my old boss at a fence company and asked if I could come work and earn some money. 
He said they needed help and I was welcome the next day. 

My friend's house was close enough to walk to work.
So I walked.  

After a few months I had enough to buy an old pickup.   

I spent the next 6 years in a variety of blue collar jobs, in a variety of places. 
Not exactly my ideal job, or my ideal life. 

It was hard, heavy work.
My back ached.
My heart ached.    

For many reasons, this was one of the hardest seasons of my life.  

There is no other word for it but grind. 
It was grinding work, and it ground me down.   
But it was endurable because I chose it. 

I was moving toward my goals. 

I didn't know how yet, but I was sacrificing those years to build a life I wanted to live.

And you know what? 
It wasn't all bad. 

Those years ground down my pride, but they build up my character. 
Those years taught me to respect everyone who does honest work well.  They taught me that a simple life could still be a good life.      

We saved money like crazy, grinding and gathering.   
If we wanted more freedom, we couldn't live paycheck to paycheck forever.   

Work crew is top notch

Finding a balanced life together

I promise we work sometimes too, those pictures aren't as fun :-)

Step 3:  Take Risks & Keep Moving

Grinding is a means, not an end.  

There will come a point when even grinding can become a tempting place to stay, especially if it is lucrative.  

Remember what is most important.   
Keep aiming for that.
Keep moving.  

There will be risks on the way.

There are times when you will have to take the risk in order to keep moving.  

Some might pay off.
Some might cost you.    

But don't get stuck along the way.  

Do what you need to do, but only until you can do what you want to do.  
But don't give up on what you want to do without a fight.

Be patient, not complacent.

Audrey and I saved more money than I had ever had in my life after those 6 years.  
It was time to find a way to invest it, that would help us pursue the life we wanted.  

It was terrifying signing the mortgage on our first rental property, and putting all that hard earned money down as a downpayment.  

But it moved us forward.  

It was scary quitting our jobs in Denver to take a 6 month vision trip to India.
  
My boss offered me a raise if I would stay (I remember laughing and telling him going to work in the slums was not really a financial decision in the first place), and we were already making more money than we had ever made in our lives (before or since).  

I don't regret it for a minute.  

Less money yes, but to love your life and your work, to see others benefitting from your work, to have control over your schedule, to have more freedom, more joy, what are these worth?  

How much salary compensates you for the loss of joy and meaning?

There can be courage or cowardice in staying where you are. 

Courage if it a personal sacrifice is for the wellbeing of others. 
Cowardice if it is merely fear of change or risk.  

Even what started as responsibility, might gradually change into fear.  

Take the risk.  
Keep going.  

Halloween was fun!

We moved to a new house, and we had a great crew helping us

Our new home!

You Can Do This, But Not on Your Own

Building a better life is a long road.  

I have intentionally written these blogs to be accessible to anyone, even if you don't share my faith.  
I believe these ideas can help you no matter where you are. 

But I would be dishonest if I didn't explain that for me, everything in life has a spiritual dimension.  

I always pray about big decisions, I talk to God about everything happening in my life, and I believe He has guided and helped me every day of my life.  

Plus, I had a lot of great people in my corner, and not everyone is so fortunate.  

I never would have gotten here on my own.  

It feels like a lot of people helped me at just the right time, or an opportunity opened just when I needed it.  Or we just got lucky on timing.  

Faith is like a lens through which we view life. 
What could be chance, I choose to consider as loving help. 
And I believe that loving help is available to anyone, all the time.   

My own path wasn't always easy, but somehow there was always a way through.   

One of the byproducts of aspiration (aiming for big, good things in life) is humility.  

Would any of us really want to try to take credit for all the good in our lives?  

My Dad used to tell me it is always easier to steer a moving ship.  

We need to believe change is possible.  
Then we need to begin the journey.
We will all need help along the way.  

It is my settled belief that anyone who sets out to do anything good or worthwhile, will receive God's help, whether they believe in him or not.  

But fair warning, once you begin a journey like this you are very likely to become both happier and more humble.  

And it is difficult to be very happy and very humble, and not begin to wonder if, after all, there may not be something greater and better than us.  

Rock Paper Scissors

Audrey and Tommy had some beautiful views

Don't tell our moms...

What we do is crazy important. 
It has unimaginable consequences not only in our life, but down generations of lives.  

You can do this. 
For yourself.
For your family.
For your community.
For future generations yet to be born.  
For the good of our world.

Not on your own, but thankfully, none of us is truly on our own.  

Journeying with you, 

Matt, Audrey, Ezra, & Sienna  

One handsome little 6 yr. old

School bus

Fun night with friends

Greetings from Thailand!  

It is always nice getting to share good news. 

For the past 3 years we have noticed an increasing need for help at Faithful Heart Foundation. 
Our ministry has changed and grown, and we have said goodbye to some wonderful teammates who worked with us in the past.  

We miss you Dave and Shirley Callahan!  
We miss you Andy, Cherish, and Claire Parker! 

We were feeling the strain and began to pray for some new teammates who could help share the load, and invest in the kids, college students, and families we seek to serve here.   

One thing Audrey and I discovered early on was that we cannot be all things to all people all the time. 
We need diverse people, with diverse gifts for Faithful Heart to be the best it can be. 

Audrey and I have some gifts.
Our Thai staff have some gifts.
But we still felt there was a gap, and a need. 

So we prayed.  

Well, those prayers for new teammates were answered, and way beyond what we dared to ask or hope for.    

We are so excited to welcome Jake and Marcie Cantleberry to the Faithful Heart Family!  

Between them, they bring a wealth of international experience, having lived and worked in Colombia, Sri Lanka, the Philippines, Myanmar, the US, and now Thailand for the past few years.

Their background is in education and leadership development and they are passionate about empowering local teachers and youth.

They have authored a Christian course on servant leadership for youth, that is being used in many countries around the world, and we hope, will soon be used in Thailand too, starting with the college kids at Faithful Heart.  

Quick Ask:

****We need to get this book translated into Thai, and that can be expensive. If this is something you would like to be a part of, please let me know!  

Along with helping provide leadership and discipleship to our college kids, they will also be exploring ways to help provide and support education for the families and communities we seek to serve at Faithful Heart.  They are part of Development Associates International (DAI) and we are excited to see how our organizations can help each other.  

They have 3 sweet little kids, Shashi, Reuben, and Amarina who are similar in age to Ezra and Sienna.

I have always believed that people are our greatest resource. 
It is a tremendous relief to be reminded that we don't have to be good at everything (we are not) because God will provide others who are gifted in ways we are not.  

We are so excited to have these friends join us at Faithful Heart!  

Would you pray for us, as we all adjust to working together?  It is a lot of adjustment for all of us. 
This is the first time I (Matt) have had to integrate new volunteers at Faithful Heart.  

And join us in giving thanks for this incredible family! 
We are excited to see how we can grow together and continue to serve the vulnerable here in Thailand.  

Thank you for your love, prayers, and support!  

Obligatory photo of the kids for grandma's reading this

Greetings from Thailand!  

Welcome to Building a Better Life Part 2!

It is challenging and fun for me to try to write these posts. 
It is certainly still very much a work in progress. 
But progress is still progress, and I hope something in theses posts can be useful to you in your own journey.  

Because I believe everyone can have a life they love;
I believe we are meant to.  

We want to build a better life, for ourselves, for our neighbors, for our world. 
We are not just waiting for a different life, or a new life in a different place. 
We are looking to discover life where we are, now. 
Because our life today is the only life we have any control over.  

It's important to realize that life, like school, happens by gradual progression. 
No first grader should be discouraged they can't do algebra. 
We need to recognize where we are, and accept that, and be gentle with ourselves in our growth
(and be gentle with others in theirs).  

Progress is the goal for each day, not perfection. 
The only competition is the person we were yesterday.  

Last time we explored what it means to life with an open heart, versus a closed heart. 
Openness is what allows us to continue to learn and grow. 
When we close down, we cut ourselves off from growth.  

We started there because we had to position ourselves for growth. 
We prepared the soil, so to speak, now we can plant some seeds that can grow.

When I think about this process, I imagine myself speaking to a younger me from years ago. 
What advice would we give to our younger selves?

First, would be to stay humble and open---keep learning.    
Second, would be to cultivate gratitude and set goals for your life.    

These two things are foundational to building a better life.  

Each of these steps builds on the others, it doesn't replace them. 
So we need to stay open, allow our goals to grow and change along with us.  

What is the connection between gratitude and goals? 
Gratitude helps us find joy in the present, no matter what our circumstances are. 
Goals, helps us realize that good can be better. 

Sometimes discontent is a good thing. 
When we are not satisfied, we are usually ready to change.  

But gratitude is a stronger long term motivator than discontent. 
Yes, a chip on the shoulder can push us to excel, but a constant gratitude for the good in life can not only help us survive the present, but also equips us to reach new futures. 



Gratitude is the recognition that life is a good thing, goals are the recognition that it can be better.  

Belief in God often starts with something like gratitude. 
When we experience good in some profound way--time with people we love, laughter, sports we love to play, food that is delicious, etc. we can't help feeling a desire to thank someone for it.  

(the opposite of this is our tendency to want someone to blame for bad things that happen in our lives).

If we begin to believe in God as the source for all the good things in life, then we also begin to understand that good is at the heart of the all things. Good is meant for us, and we are meant for it.  

That is a sort of natural optimism. 
And optimism is far more effective for helping us set, and achieve goals to improve our lives.  

Gratitude and goals together keep us balanced and healthy.  

Too much gratitude can become complacency, and an excuse to never change or grow.  
Being too goal driven can turn everything into a competition, and makes us arrogant.

Gratitude anchors optimism, to keep it from becoming arrogance.  
Setting goals pushes gratitude so it doesn't become complacency.  

A healthy optimism, built of gratitude and goals, is a powerful tool for building a better life, and a better world. 

Gratitude reminds us that none of us exist on our own. 
None of us can take full credit for our lives. 
We are interdependent. 
We all have people to thank for where we are, and that we are. 

True gratitude never binds, but frees us. 
Gratitude is not feeling indebted to others, but grateful to them.  
It doesn't mean we can't leave, change, or outgrow old things.  
It just means we give them their due. 
We acknowledge the good they have given us, but we don't need to stay there. 

You can be grateful for the foundation of your house, and still keep building on it.  

Gratitude never excludes change or improvement. 
It actually urges it on.  

If you are truly grateful for your life, you have discovered an important truth: life is worth being thankful for, it is a great gift. 
You will also recognize that such a good thing brings additional responsibility.
If life is crappy and unimportant that maybe wasting it doesn't feel like a big deal.
But if life is an incredible, beautiful gift, then we have a responsibility to develop our lives to be all they can be, to be their very best.  

That is a great way to practice gratitude and thank all the people who have helped you along the way---become the best version of yourself.  

Show them that their investment in you was a good one.  (and be sure to thank them for their part).  

The goal of life is that we become the best version of ourselves we possibly can, but not for our own advantage, but in order to best help others become the best versions of themselves ( and on and on).  

This is what abundant life is, this is the secret of a satisfying, fruitful life. 
This is life to the full---human beings fully alive! 
Not just selfish achievements or selfish complacency, but rising together. 
It ties us all together. 
It means what is best for me, is also what is best for you, and so on and so on.  
My welfare is tied to your welfare, and your welfare is tied to my welfare.  

There is a Christian saying that in God's economy all gain, and there is no loss.  

We are so used to thinking with a scarcity or competitive mindset---my advantage is your disadvantage.  My profit must be your loss.  

But what if it doesn't have to be that way? 
What if what is best for you is also what's best for me? 
What if my best life and your best life, and everyone's best life are tied together?  

This was the example and teaching of Jesus' life:  

Do you want the best life?  Then give up your life for others. 
Do you want to become your best self?  Then help others become their best selves. 
Do you want to be happy?  Then find your happiness in the happiness of others.

Because you gain by giving. 
The more you give, the richer you are.  

It sounds a little crazy at first. 
But it is the way to build a better life. 

Gratitude and setting goals are a vital part of that process. 
So let's take a look at how to incorporate these two things into our every day lives.   

    1. Gratitude is learned and takes practice

Gratitude comes easier for some people than others. 
It is often strongly influenced by our families, our friends, our culture, and the media we consume too (might be time to limit your social or news media---free pro tip). 

We all probably know someone who has less materially than we do, but seems happier. 
And we all probably know someone who seems to have it all, and is miserable.

This is good news. 

It means any of us can become grateful, no matter where we are or where we come from, or how much we have.  

It might take time, and it will probably take practice, but you can do this.

Start small, maybe taking a moment each day to say out loud what you are grateful for. 
Or make a list. 
I have a friend who keeps a running tab on Facebook. 
Any time he realizes something he is grateful for, he numbers it and posts it. 
He is currently at 2,064 and counting.  

    2.  Gratitude Doesn't Measure but Benefits from Perspective

If you are struggling to be grateful, what standard are you measuring against?  

"Comparison is the death of joy" (and of gratitude).  

But none of us ever sees the whole picture of another's life.  
Gratitude requires no comparison, but may benefit from some perspective.  

I am blessed with a lot of perspective right at my doorstep. 
If I ever start to feel sorry for myself, I can go visit one of our single mom's working two jobs just to survive, and trying to raise her kids on her own.  

Or I can deliver food to one of the families with a severely disabled boy who requires 24-hour care.  

This is why spending time helping others, especially those who don't have what you have is so valuable. Not only are you encouraging them and meeting their needs, but you are learning gratitude at the same time.  

We have to choose to focus on the good.  
We seem to be wired the opposite way.  

Remember, in the media business (and it is primarily a business!) bad always sells better than good. 
But there is still ample cause for hope in our world.
(if you doubt this, message me and I will send you a mountain of statistics).    

It takes conscious effort to look for, find, and celebrate the good. 
We don't ignore the bad, but we put it in the proper context. 
And we practice doing that, again and again.  

    3.  Healthy Gratitude produces change, not hinders it

Gratitude never means we have to stay the same. 
Gratitude is just appreciating where you are from, so you can better get to where you are going.  

The process of cultivating gratitude requires us to identify the good
(and by so doing, we also identify some of the bad things in our lives). 

That is important, because once we have identified which is which, we can better ensure we pursue the good, and reject the bad.  

So once you count your blessings, you can also take a look at the curses in your life. 
At this point, it doesn't matter whose fault it was; yours or someone else. 
What matters is making sure we avoid those same pitfalls in the future.  

And that is where goals come in.

Goals are the fruit of gratitude.  

Once we know what we are grateful for, we have a good idea of what we want to pursue.  

What do you want more of in your life?
(What do you want less of?)

These are helpful guides to setting our own goals in life.  

A helpful note here:

Goals we set, are limited by the stage we are at. 
They will and need to change, as we grow and learn better. 
It is helpful for me to think in terms of trajectory, overall direction, more than specifics. 
The specifics will change and thats fine, but the overall direction is what is more important. 
What sort of person am I becoming? 
Am I growing better or worse? 
More kind, more unselfish, more humble?  

But goals help us begin taking the small steps, and they serve as progress markers along the way.  

Goals are good for all sorts of things, but the ones I want to emphasize are who you are, and who you are becoming. 

No what you do, not what you earn, not how popular you are or well known; but the person you are becoming.  

Here is a good place to go back and review step one, before we go too far with step two. 
Stay humble! 
Stay open! 
Listen to advice! 
Read and learn from good people who went before you.  

Don't assume you know it all, or that more technology means more wisdom, or that an easier life is a better one (spoiler, its not).  

Who you are becoming is the result of all the choices you make each day.  
Setting goals helps us make sure those choices are in line with our greater, overall direction.

"Is this helping me become the best version of myself, the person I want to be?"

Goals help us organize our lives, so we live intentionally, rather than just accidentally.  

Let me give you a simple framework to help you get started. 
Audrey and I have started using this as a guide every year in January and it has been a helpful guide, even when we don't always meet our own goals.

We break down life into 4 parts:

Physical
Mental
Spiritual
Social

1. Physical

How is your body?  Your health?  How do you feel about them?  Are they at their best?  Why or why not?  If not, what could you begin to change?  What do you eat?  How do you stay active and healthy?  

2. Mental

How is your mental health?  What do your thoughts tend to dwell on?  Why?  What brain food are you consuming (tv, internet, books, movies, etc.)?  What habits help or hinder your mental health?  How could you begin to change?  Do you see a connection between your physical and mental health?  How are you expressing your creativity?  

3. Spiritual

How are you feeding and caring for the non-physical part of you?  You are more than a body.  You have a personality, a self-consciousness.  This part of you is rarely seen by others.  Who are you when no one else is watching?  How are you developing that part of you?  Do you feel connected or disconnected to the divine?  Have you been too dismissive of spiritual things in the past?  How could you develop some health spiritual habits?  Do you enjoy nature?  Do you spend time alone in silence?  Have you tried to pray regularly?  

4. Social

How are your relationships with others?  Are you forming deeper friendships?  Are you growing closer with your spouse or more distant?  Are you present and connected with your kids?  Where do you find community?  Where do you feel that you belong?  How are you contributing to the lives of others?  Are you giving and receiving, or only one or the other?  Do you have healthy boundaries?  Do you need to alter your relationships?  Do you need to start some new ones?  

Do you see the connection between gratitude and goals?

Gratitude is the process of analyzing our own lives in search of the good. 
It is a tremendously helpful process, that will benefit you your whole life.  

Setting goals helps you live the life you want to live, not merely exist or float along.  

One last piece of advice from my own experience.  

When I first tried to set my own goals for my life, it didn't work out very well. 
I hardly knew myself and I didn't really know what would make me happy.
Most of the people I know do not really know themselves either.  

The best decision of my life, was to get help from someone else,
someone who knows me better than I know myself.  

I know it's hard to believe in God for a lot of people (its hard for me too sometimes). 
If that's hard for you, that's ok.  

You don't need to be sure about all your own beliefs to take someone's advice, and try it for yourself.  

My advice is to take Jesus' advice about how to live. 
Anyone can read for themselves what he said about how to live
(check Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John in the Bible). 

Fair warning, some of it is hard and can even feel counterproductive
(like loving your enemies, or forgiving people who hurt you).  

It isn't always easy, and sometimes it seems crazy, but everything changed when I really tried to order my life the way he was saying to. 

I made and am making lots of mistakes along the way, but to be living that way is so different from anything else I have tried before.  

So go ahead and set goals for your life. 
But make sure those goals line up with the life Jesus taught us to live (there is tons of room there). 
When all those things line up, you will find your best life right now, right here.  

I have no idea where that journey may lead you. 
But we will cheer you on from where we are.  

Lots of love from Thailand,

Matt Audrey, Ezra, and Sienna